One year to the day

GothicGremlin

Well, here we are. It's hard to believe that it's been exactly one year since my sister passed away due to "complications of clinically diagnosed Alzheimer's disease", as is stated on her death certificate. In some ways it still doesn't feel real, even though it very much is.

I've been reflective today. The other two core members of "Team Peggy" and I have all been talking to each other today, remembering both the good times and the bad. Mostly what I feel today is gratitude: for both D & M of Team Peggy, for Peggy's friend J, for the memory care staff, and for the people here.

fmb

((hugs)) It is hard to believe it has been a year already, though I am sure in some respects it seems much longer. It is good that you and Team Peggy are able to reminisce and continue to support each other in your continuing journey. Feeling gratitude is so important. It's been over six weeks since my DH died, and I am still trying to figure out how to adequately express my gratitude to the caregivers at the ALF and his wonderful hospice team.

Thank you for continuing to comment here. Your advice and perspective have been helpful to many of us. We are grateful for YOU.

GothicGremlin

Thank you @fmb It's part of my way of trying to give back to the community that helped me so much. I don't know what I would have done without everyone here.

It's so hard to try to figure out ways to adequately thank people, like hospice, memory care caregivers, and the friends who stepped up when Peggy needed them the most. I've talked to a few of them individually to thank them, but nothing seems like enough.

I hope you're doing a bit better … six weeks was not all that long ago. It was four months before I started feeling like I was really getting better.

BassetHoundAnn

As @fmb put it so well, thank you for being you. Thank you for the messages you wrote about Peggy and your struggles to care for her. They helped me a lot in the emotional battle to care for my mother.

I've similarly felt at a loss as to how to properly thank the memory care staff and hospice caregivers who helped care for my mother. I wrote the hospice nurses and aides personal letters of thanks. I promised the memory care staff I would visit. But the thought of going over there is something I can't bear. I know I would break down seeing another woman living in my mom's former room.

I too feel a great deal of gratitude for all the caring people who helped us. In some ways too I feel grateful for the journey we endured.

Hugs to you!

Quilting brings calm

@fmb Mom passed on Nov 29. I called the director and asked how many staff members there were. I waited until after New Years on a Monday and took two large shopping bags of locally popped popcorn and candy to the staff for their break room. The staff at Mom’s AL are not allowed to accept cash, or individual gift card etc.

@GothicGremlin it’s good to reflect on the anniversary ( or any day really). I’ve found that grief ( or whatever name ) varies for me. I feel ok about my step-dad. I have found that I miss the mom I had during my adult years, not the one she was the last five years. Yet I am not extremely sad because she lived to 86. Really I believe that it’s ok to feel however you feel at any given moment.

JeriLynn66

GG,

It's hard to think it's been a year! I've followed you and Peggy's story, as you know. I'm grateful Peggy had you and her Team.

As a former RN, I want to assure you that “Thank you “ never falls on deaf ears of nurses. There are patients and families I will never forget. We grieve along with loved ones. And we hold you in our hearts ❤️‍🩹

GothicGremlin

@BassetHoundAnn I'm like you - I don't want to see someone else in Peggy's old room, it would be just too much. I haven't been back to Peggy's memory care facility since we cleaned out her room, but thankfully I can go in and only go as far as the community room - I don't have to walk past the bedrooms.

I've talked to a few of the caregivers from memory care since then - they're such wonderful people, and they took such good care of Peggy. Maybe I'll do as @Quilting brings calm and @JeriLynn66 suggest - bring a bunch of tasty snacks along with with many thank yous to the staff.

@JeriLynn66 - You know, I did write a couple of notes about the hospice team and for one particular doctor for their files stating how wonderful they are. Notes, copying their supervisors, is always a good thing in my books. I did that with several of the memory care caregivers as well.

❤️

fmb

I gave one special ALF aide a photo print taken about three weeks before Roger died. He was in his Broda chair laughing. I also gave her a laminated memorial card with the "Footprints" prayer on the front. Roger's death hit her hard, and she and I had become friends.

I will be giving little gifts to Roger's hospice nurse, hospice aides, the hospice social worker who facilitates the caregiver support group, and the ALF facility director. Roger was in their care for 14 months and was a favorite of theirs. I'm writing thank-you notes and including the photo of Roger laughing and the memorial card. I also found nice engraved keychains that say "Never forget the difference you make ❤️". Token gifts to be sure, but there is no way I could adequately express my gratitude for the compassionate, loving care they gave to both Roger and me. In Roger's obituary, I requested memorial donations to the hospice organization.

I am also giving the facility director the one thing she has wanted every since he moved in to the ALF: a 5-Star Google review. Apparently corporate grades her on how many 5-star reviews the facility gets. I had told her that the day I gave the ALF a 5-star review, she would know they had truly earned it. Over the 14 mos. he lived there, she worked very hard to bring the ALF up from a marginal facility to one that truly deserves 5 stars.

@BassetHoundAnn and @GothicGremlin I have been back to the ALF a couple of times to visit (both staff and certain residents), but I can't bring myself to walk past Roger's former room with its new resident. One of his hospice aides, a very experienced older woman, told me that it was very hard for her emotionally the first few days she walked into Roger's former room and saw her new patient and not Roger in the bed. 😥

tigersmom

GG, I am glad that you and the members of Team Peggy are still close. I can’t imagine a better way to honor her memory than the three of you talking about her. You were a great and loving advocate for your sister. Hugs to you as you reach this milestone.

GothicGremlin

Thank you @tigersmom I'm sorry this response is so late!

I spent about two hours on the phone with one member of Team Peggy yesterday, and next week my s.o. and I will be visiting with family, but we'll be staying with the other core member of Team Peggy. It'll be great to spend time with him.

I kind of think the two of them are part of my family now.