What do you do when you visit your loved one in MC?

White Crane

I'm asking because there are times when I leave the MC feeling rather holow inside. Our son was here this week and he said he wished he could do something with his dad besides play rummy. He wanted to do something that would be meaningful for him. I understood since I have the same feelings at times. When I visit, we hug and hold hands and maybe watch some TV. He can still play rummy so we do that. How I long to tell him how much I miss him and what the kids and grandkids are doing. He doesn't know who I'm talking about though. So I was wondering what some of you do when you visit your loved one.

PS: I do enjoy the hugs.

Dio

Sometimes just sitting with them, a hug, caress or light massage here and there, may be enough. The PWD may not respond as you'd like for them to do as a normal person would. But I believe that still lets them know they are loved. Playing games is a bonus if they still can. My husband has never enjoyed any games, not even chess ever since the disease took over. I gave DH a multipurpose CD, DVD, Blu Ray portable player, so he's been enjoying his favorite movies and music. I see other family members read to their LOs or do jigsaw puzzles…it's the same jigsaw over and over, but that's okay. On a nice day, perhaps take them out to the patio to catch some sunshine. I can still take my DH out to lunch right now, and he really enjoys being out. There was a time when it wasn't possible to be near him. We are blessed with a plateau of sorts and I'm making the best of this time.

ladyzetta

When I would visit my DH, I would take him out to a drive through for coffee. I would take him outside the facility for a walk.

When he could no longer walk, I would have him put in a wheelchair and take him for a walk, I alway took our dog with me, he loved seeing her.

When we were in his room, he watched westerns, with our little dog on his lap and I would take a nap in his bed. He liked it when I did that.

Sometimes just being there is enough. Take care. 🙏

sandwichone123

I come close to the time for an activity we can enjoy together (exercise). I look through his room, pair up the socks that are pairs and separate out the others. I look through his clothing and anything that is too clearly not his I return to staff. We do the exercise group and then walk outside if we can.

Playing cards is gone. Talking is gone, except saying, "oh my," and "well I would think so!" when I have no idea what he thinks he's saying. Hugs are still there, though. He knows who I am, although I would be astonished if he could come up with a name. One of the nurses asked, "is this your wife?" and his response was, "I WISH!"

SDianeL

we would take my DH in the wheelchair on the screened patio and to see the birds they had in a cage. We would get him a snack. You can usually have lunch with them. I took my husband a stuffed dog that looked like our granddog and he liked it. I never took him out of the facility because he constantly asked to go home and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to come back. Many like music. I always talked about things although he couldn’t respond. I would say your daughter Melissa said she loves you. I would say something about each grandchild saying their name and relationship. Sometimes he would react. Most times not. I know how you feel. 💜

psg712

Although my PWD is my mom, not my spouse, I too have struggled with what to do when I visit. I try to get her to walk with me around the inside of the facility (it's small) to keep her mobile with her walker. She will sometimes play with a pop-it toy or something simple, but not for long. She is talking less now, but I occasionally am able to call a family member and let her talk to them. Of course she often has no idea who the person is!

BPS

I take pictures on my phone of anything I am doing or anyone that I may be around and show her and talk about what I have been doing and telling her things that we may do together some day. I take an exercise band and work with her on a little exercise, and I look on the internet for kids jokes before I go and try to remember a couple little jokes to tell her. Sometimes she smiles a little. I also talk about how good the food is there, but when I leave am still a little down for a little bit.

jsps139_

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237930#Comment_237930

That is so cute “I WISH” …. Quite the compliment! The things they come up with. :)

Joe C.

DW is in early stage 7 and as such there is little no understanding or communication these days. She still loves and reacts to music so listening/dancing (now mostly swaying her arms to the music) is one of the last activities we can enjoy together. I help her with her meals since she can no longer feed herself and take walks around the facility to try to keep her ambulatory.

GothicGremlin

My LO wasn't my spouse, but my sister. Games went away early for her. Sometimes I would read to her, sometimes I'd just sit with her - stage 7 was mostly me just sitting with her. Peggy's friend M would read to her too. Throughout her journey I'd put on her favorite music (who knew that Madonna had so many albums??). Sometimes, on a good day, I could get her to chair dance with me. Peggy often liked going through the scrapbooks I had put together for her. Sometimes she would know who everyone was, sometimes not, but she still enjoyed it. Something "meaningful" was often hard to come by, so I always settled for "enjoy." If I could get Peggy to smile or laugh, I'd consider it a win.

fmb

In the earlier part of DH's progression, I would drag him to Bingo and other activities at the ALF, but I somewhat regret stressing both of us by trying to be the "cruise director". I would tell DH about my day and what was going on in the neighborhood. I often took pictures to help illustrate the stories. TBH, I think talking about my day was as much for me as it was for him. I missed having him at home to talk to in the evening, having someone who cared about what was going on in my life. By the time he was in Stage 7, he didn't even want the TV on, so I brought my knitting and simply sat beside him while he dozed. I believe he was comforted by my mere presence.

Arrowhead

My wife's memory care is only 3 miles away, so visiting her is easy for me. I was visiting her 5 days a week for an hour at a time. Now she is bedridden, so now I visit her every day.

Carl46

My mother and I enjoyed looking at photo albums or just stacks of loose photos. "This is a picture of John when he and I canoed the Elk River."