Advice welcome

Toni829

It has been 2 years that I moved to a new apartment to take in my 83 yer old Mom. Of course it is challenging, as I also work from home. This is my first time posting, so forgive me, but any tips on the following are appreciated:

Getting her to eat better and finish food (I do make sure she has at least 1 Ensure Max Protein every day as well)

Sleep! She is tired, but won't go to bed without me, and truly does not sleep when it is dark, then falls asleep when sun comes up…so she sleeps late and skips breakfast

Desperately need an aide, but so many obstacles, as she apparently does not qualify for Medicaid, so hoping her primary car DR. can help and prescribe aide to help me?

Showering, of course, is an issue-constant fight…

Thanks in advance!

Fran

Shenmama99

Hang in there. It really sucks. Eating is challenging. My mom use to love anything. Now she turns her nose up on so many things. I don’t push her to eat so much anymore. She’s 93 and basically craves sweets. Love rice pudding and popsicles. My sisters and I try to get her to eat one hot meal a day. So far her sleeping is ok. Showering is challenging. We have a system down so it’s better. I have a shower chair with a back in her shower. I put an adhesive backed rug down outside the shower and a rubber shower mat inside shower. There is also a lower hook to hold the shower wand and all her toiletries are within reach. I was bathing her but I want her to feel some independence so we tried this way and it’s working so far. Wish I could give you a great trick to deal with this or tell you something that would make this horrible disease go away but I can’t. I feel like this is never going to end. 😞

SusanB-dil

Hi Toni829 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Agree - showering/hygiene and taking medications properly are two big issues, with nutrition probably not far behind. (driving is probably the biggest... uggh)

I did just find out about rinse-free body wash. You could also try that. MIL has insurance that allows 60 hours per year for assisted nursing. We have utilized that for showering/bathing. It seems most of the CareService providers require 2 hours minimum block of time, so we just use the extra time for 'whatever', such as errands.

Your mom may be in the stage where finger-foods that she likes might be easier to manage - for both of you. Maybe sandwich, chicken strips, fish-sticks?

Check with her doctor about something for sleep. Melatonin is over-counter, HOWEVER, do check with the pharmacist or doctor before giving anything, as even though over-counter, some things can interact with certain medications. Her doctor may even have other suggestions.

mandajean

I have my Mom also…food and eating are definitely hard. I literally will give her anything she will eat. She has lost 12 lbs in the past few months, will not drink the ensure I have tried every flavor! Her Dr suggested just giving her whatever she wanted to eat (which of course freaks me out but I want her to eat real food) she said as long as she isnt eating 5 bowls of ice cream a day let her eat what she wants. SO that seems to be working.

Have you tried giving her melatonin? It works on Mom. And she takes alot of medications. Sunlight really helps her too, even if shes laying in bed I open the blinds and she gets some sunlight. I know it doesn't work on everyone. Getting help is very hard we have been turned down for Medicaid twice. We live in south Florida there are some recourses available but they are all Spanish speaking and we dont speak Spanish.

The showering is a HUGE obstacle with us. She will not let anyone help her and tried to lock me out of the bathroom. I did buy these washcloths that you ward up, to wipe her down with and they dont require you to rinse off, so that does help. she refuses to wash her hair so thankfully I found someone (hairdresser) who understood and I take her there every 2 weeks to get it washed. She's losing her hair anyway.

JM27

My father also craves the sweets so I try to incorporate healthier sweets for example cut up banana with strawberries and some honey poured over, sweet potatoes with a little brown sugar mixed in. I still do proteins and he will mix all the food together. So far that has helped.

He to has trouble with sleep at night and would sleep till 2pm which ment skipping breakfast as well. His schedule recently changed and he now up and we have him eating by 1pm but he still only is getting two meals and two snacks a day.

I to work from home and it’s defiantly a challenge.

We just saw his neurologist and he recommended melatonin for sleep at night he said like 1mg. But I have not tried it.

I hope you’re able to find something that helps.

lisn2cats

It's a bit of relief to know others are experiencing the eating, sleeping, and showering issues. My mom, 90, constantly tells people she has no food/no one lets her eat - which is absolutely all in her mind, when she is not doing well. She has a full fridge and freezer of food, most of which are either already prepared or easy to heat up (and her friends bring her meals nearly daily). But on the days she has her aide (who she refuses to acknowledge and complains that her "housekeeper" is not spending her time cleaning) or is alone for more than 2 hours, she will just eat rice or drink green tea (she's asian and will now only eat asian food). But when her friends (or I) bring/make food, she eats heartily.

In any case, the tea leads to the second issue, sleeping. While I've tried decaf green tea, she complains that it's not the same (I honestly cannot tell the difference and plan to just replace all the bags in the reg box with the decaf ones). Green tea is not only dehydrating, it keeps her awake, which leads to her texting nonstop until 2 or 3 in the morning. And it begins again at 8 am. The only times that I get a break is if one of her friends (not aide) spends the better part of a day with her. Then I have my old mom again - she's as normal as can be, sharp, funny, warm, and comprehending everything.

The lack of sleep leads to the third thing, showering. She does want and like to bathe; however, she is often "too tired" to do it. We are down to one full bath session a week - she does it on her own (with chair, etc.) and someone on standby. On other days, she does a sponge-bath thing.

I did give her melatonin once when I was there and it worked. I didn't think of checking with her PCP though so will do that asap!