Overwhelmed was a while ago…

deannelynn

I’m new here. Thank you for being here! My sister and I take care of my mom at home. Who can tell what stage? She was diagnosed about 4 years ago. Dementia, Hydrocephalus, diabetic. My mom is not mobile, she cannot feed herself, she has someone with her 24/7. It’s the hardest thing ever but I don’t want to be anywhere else. We all live on the same property. My sister and her hubby in the house in front, mom and I in the tiny house in the back. It’s a great setup, Since I am in the same house with mom, putting her to bed, dinner, chattering and repositioning at night naturally are mostly what I take care of if I’m not working. I’ve just gotten my head wrapped around all the things that I do with mom to keep her healthy, happy (as close as we can get), safe, keeping her dignity, all the little things that help her as much as I can, and then 3 days ago my 90 year old father who is active but has times when his memory is off or he slurs, came to California from New York to be closer to his 5 children. He’s staying with us until his apartment is ready. (Senior living) in the same town as us. The bulk of the POA tasks are on my sister, which means that I feel like it’s my job to alleviate all other stress since we are the only 2 children of our parents who are willing to care for them. I also work about 35 hours a week and am in college online. We have 2 amazing caregivers during the week who come in from 930am-430pm. Nights and weekends it’s us. Again, let me stress that I am more than willing to do whatever needs to be done for our parents. Here’s my dilemma…I am a people pleaser so when we are both home and it’s time for mom to go to bed I think, I wish my sister would offer to come help me, but I don’t feel like I can ask. Especially now that dads here too. I do not go out of town, but my sister does maybe once or twice a month. I really don’t have anywhere to go. I’m really just looking for appropriate and unselfish ways I can express that I need to relieve my own mental health sometimes. I kind of feel like when I’m off work I’m back on work taking care of mom. Work is not a break from work!! I also feel very selfish when I think about taking off for a bit. How do y’all handle self care? I would absolutely never show mom that I need a break. It’s not her fault. She needs the good feels, not frustration or impatience. I feel like I’m whining but there it is.

SusanB-dil

Hi deannelynn - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It sounds like you and sis are on the same page, which is the best. But yeah, you need a break! Caregiver burnout is REAL. You are not whining. You are stating a fact that you need some relief sometimes.

I would wish you would ask your sister for some help for at least a couple nights. Could you get a caregiver for at least a weekend or two and maybe go to a play or a concert or even just a local park? With your sister or a friend would be even better, but at least just get out for a bit.

Shenmama99

Just be honest with your sister. I was the main caregiver for years and finally told both sisters they needed to help. They are and it’s much better. Honesty is always the best. 😊