All alone

farraf2001

This is a sad story. My partner (F) and I (M) are both 75. We have been together almost 33 years. She is the love of my life.

Over three years ago we moved far away to a new area which is more affordable so we could retire. We have only each other. There are no children, family or friends. After we moved, she developed dementia. It has progressed very fast. She entered a nursing home a week ago. She is bedridden because she is very weak and lethargic and cannot walk or even stand up. Over the past two weeks, she has hardly eaten anything at all and is very thin now. Her voice has become very faint and difficult to hear. She is incontinent and has a lot of pain in her back. My days lately have been centered around visiting her and trying to feed her.

The house is now empty, except for me. When I visit her in the nursing home, I have to hold back my tears. Sometimes I just have to cry. The sadness is overwhelming. She may not have long to go. I look at old pictures of us years ago and the memories just make me sadder. The love of my life is sinking fast.

How do you cope with this?

annie51

My heart goes out to you. Everything about this disease is sad. My husband and I have been together for 38 years and also have no children, so I know the alone feeling even though we have a couple of friends near here. This forum helps me feel like I’m not alone. I have no advice for how to deal with the sadness other than to know that we care and know that you’ll get through it. You’ve been strong in taking care of your love and you should find peace in that.

midge333

Have you consulted hospice? It sounds as if she is nearing death. I am sorry. I don't have any advice on coping. What you are going through is horrible.

Dio

This is such a wretched disease. I often thought, or hoped, rather, that DH would go fast, to end his miseries. This disease has completely changed my view about death and dying. I no longer fear death. When it comes calling, I only hope it'll be merciful for a peaceful passing. On this long journey, many of us have grieved and cried a river over the loss of our old LOs, of the retirement dreams that never materialized, with savings all going to memory care. Yet, somehow we will get through it all. So go ahead and cry all you need. It's healthy grieving. Hugs are with you.

SDianeL

I’m so sorry. If hospice isn’t involved, ask for them. They help in so many ways. They have counselors for you. We grieve the loss of our loved ones after their diagnosis. We miss what they once were. We grieve the loss of “us” which is called anticipiatory grief. Keep talking to your LO. Although they may not be able to communicate, they can hear you and I believe they know they love you and you love them. Praying for both of you. Hugs. 💜

Mint

sending you a virtual hug

Palmetto Peg

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My DH is in memory care, and I am grieving the loss of our future, our plans, and the person I love so much. This forum is a lifesaver - you will get advice and many hugs and it makes such a difference. I try to find joy in small things and I am trying harder to take care of myself. I am working with a trainer, and had the doctor prescribe something to help me sleep. You are strong and you will get through this, but lean on us whenever you need to. {{{{HUGS}}}}

wose

Russinator

((HUGS))

ALCB

I am so sorry. Sending you and your partner warm wishes. We're all here to try and answer any questions you may have. 💛

Quilting brings calm

I know the advice is to not make big decisions at this time or for several months after her death… but I’m going to suggest this anyway. Consider moving to an independent living facility for the socialization.