Retirement

CindyBum

Well. I worked full-time during these last six+ years of solo caregiving as my DW has progressed to now Stage 5. I’ve been losing my mojo every year of this, with this past year ending up with me completely burnt out.

I am lucky, my employer is a Family Medical Leave Act employer,, so I’ve taken the last 1.5 months off on medical leave. My boss, however, is ticked that my wife and I are sick. She has already done a couple of things that make it clear she’s going to make my work life difficult when I return. Quite unkind, but life is sometimes.

My bosses” reaction and this time off has made it quite clear to me; I’m done with this kind of full time work. 27 years in this field, progressively higher-level positions and seven years of a high-level position at the best in my biz organization. This last 1.5 years at this new institution has not been great, but I feel no shame in being a human who couldn’t balance both work and my DWs decline.

If I can ride it out a little longer, I’m going to retire in December, incredibly proud of the career I’ve had. There’s no world where I sit and cry about the end of this career and how it’s winding down with a whimper. I kicked butt for 25 years and nothing can diminish that. And, I’ll only be 59 in June. I have a second act in me, I know it in my bones.

My relief in making this decision has been immense. I’m actually giddy about it, even though staying longer would pad my pension some. Not enough in exchange for the stress and the missed few moments I have with my DW knowing who I am still.

What a fraught journey we are all on. I’m on that path with a tiny little spring in my step that I haven’t felt in a long, long time.

CampCarol

It’s such a difficult decision. I too “went out (quietly) with a whimper” early after 30+ years in my industry. It still stings a bit; I wanted to exit at the very top of my game, but I’d make the same decision again if I had to. My DH needed more care than I could give while working, so that was that. It’s been just over a year, and I don’t regret it. I’m glad this decision has lightened your load a bit, good luck with the rest your work year!

Timmyd

I am in a similar situation. When we got my DW diagnosis several years back, I had no expectation that I would still be working full time (remote) while my DW is deep in stage 5, but here I am. My employer has been very generous and accommodating with the situation. I am coming up on 35 years with my employer and it is not going to end the way I had hoped. Normally my employer would host an event. Friends, family and co-workers would attend to commemorate the culmination of a long, successful career. However, I cannot bring myself to be the center of that kind of attention given the circumstances. Instead I will probably go quietly and intentionally without much notice. Financially, I think I am pretty well prepared, but when you are potentially facing many years of out of pocket long term care, there is no such thing as enough money.

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/238671#Comment_238671

I so wanted to go out at the top of my game, but that is not to be. I am a former division 1 athlete (over 3 decades ago now) and all of that muscle memory came roaring back during this medical break.

A rare few get to retire at the top in sports and that victory doesn't last any longer than a loss at the end of a season. In both situations, you get up the next morning and go on about your business.

I've had a few big decision moments in my life where I knew I was making the right call. This is most definitely one of them.

CindyBum

No way I could face a retirement party either, Timmyd. I'm so happy to hear your employer has been accommodating. I know others that would be, I just didn't get that boss this time around.

The biggest worry I have, like you, is potential memory care expenses. I have a plan there, but one never knows how long our LO will need to be in a place like that. Sigh.

CindiEC

I retired a year ago. A few years earlier than I would have liked, but wanted to spend more time with my DH while he still knew who I was. I’ve never regretted my decision. We had six great months vacationing and spending time with family.
The he had a seizure and fall. While he recovered physically, his mental decline was severe. At the beginning of this year I placed him in MC.
Retire if you can and enjoy the time you have left with your LO.

Kat63

I know our situation with our LO is different, but years ago I had a work colleague who knew he was dying of cancer. The last conversation I had with him he said “retire as soon as you can”. I did just that and retired before I realized my DH had Alzheimer’s. I liked my job and was there for 30 years but certainly never regretted retiring the moment I could. Family first.

Goodlife2025

CindyBum, I can understand how you feel, I retired early this last November to spend these last "good" years with my DW. (I am 62) Looking back - First, don't know how I stayed working as long as I did. This caretaker business is full time and I am relieved she is no longer alone for those extended hours. Secondly, after getting the hang of it - retirement is still nice; not what we had planned but I agree the relief in leaving a career well done, is satisfaction of its own. Congratulations in all the best ways!

Quilting brings calm

I retired at 62, a little over 4 years ago. The stress was just too much. I never knew if I was going to get a full work week in- I had intermittent FMLA leave, but it was still stressful. I was allowed to work from home several months that year due to COVID and I found that I liked being at home. I got a small pension and I drew from my IRA monthly. I finally started taking social security until last month.

Carl46

Cindy, you definitely have a second act coming. My mother retired at 62 to spend time with my father, who had been retired for a few years. He died when she was 65. She didn't much care for sitting around the house, so she got a full time job with much less stress and responsibility than her previous job, and worked for 20 years.

BTW, you aren't retiring. You are working two full time jobs and are quitting one of them. Good for you!

bjt84

This highlights an aspect of this disease that is unlike any other incurable, terminal disease. It's affect on a spouse or other full-time caregiver is life consuming. We live a career seeking self-fulfillment, a secure future for ourselves and loved ones while aspiring to live a full and exciting retirement. Then we are handed a new, full-time job that we didn't seek, offers no monetary compensation and a completely uncertain future. It's a new paradigm. Do it every day one day at a time as well as possible. When the job ends, move on to the next thing. No way to plan for that at this time.

Russinator

In my case being retired was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was injured while working on a wildland fire (I was a firefighter). At the time I was only 54 years old - 82 years young today. At the time of my injury I had been a firefighter for 34 years. Fifteen years later dementia attacked my DW - that was ten years ago. I'm so thankful that I was able to spent all those years with her without needing to report to work. BTW she's still with us and fighting dementia.