Struggling to get him to do anything

annie51

DH is becoming more and more resistant to things he needs to do, like changing clothes, brushing teeth, washing. Maybe I created this problem myself in the way I’ve been handling it but I’m at a loss as to what to do next. He used to get undressed at bedtime no problem, so could slip clean underwear and clothes at that time. Now when he finally goes to bed it’s fully clothed, sometimes with shoes on, sometimes with ball cap on. Getting him to change or to wash up is just a flat out no, even if I try when he’s in a good mood. I’m really stuck with how to handle this without having him hate to be around me. I know other problems will come if he doesn’t wash or brush his teeth so I’m concerned. I know the advice about how to get them to shower but that hasn’t worked for me. Help!

DTSbuddy

Showering and brushing teeth are impossible for my DH most evenings, but often I can accomplish them in the morning. He will not change clothes unless he has just showered. I don't know. It's progressive, and I'm not sure I can handle it if it gets much worse. I have a companion for him now every afternoon from 2:00 to 5:00, but his job is to take him for a walk, and make sure he goes to the bathroom in the toilet and does take food from the refrigerator and leave scraps all over the house. His sleeping habits are getting more difficult too, up from midnight to 2:00, and a couple other short forays. Reasoning is pointless. Dancing a little salsa works better. The idea that I can care for him for the rest of his life is looking less and less likely.

Biggles

It’s just horrible annie51 my DH is still quite good with a bit of prompting when it comes to hygiene, routine is we shower together (big shower no doors) then I froth up and shave him but everything is just getting slower and harder. The weather has been rotten, grey rainy day overcast and today I feel miserable. He can’t seem to do anything anymore, dress, eat, etc he’s not interested In anything, can’t follow the news or a tv programme, finds speaking and communicating hard because of aphasia and major cognitive decline. We shuffled around the supermarket this morning, me dragging him along, puppy in the trolly. It’s so sad 😞 and depressing. I feel for you what a bummer!!

Biggles

CampCarol

@annie51 You are not alone in this! My DH is the same way: doesn’t want to change his clothes, comb his hair, shave, brush his teeth, anything. I was able to find a cute female barber that washes & cuts his hair and shaves him. He’ll take his shirt off for her after the wash because she’ll spill a little bit of water on him on purpose, and he doesn’t like to be wet. She also can get him to swirl some mouthwash that I bring and hand to her when he’s not looking. I try to get him there every 2 weeks. I don’t tell him we’re going or he won’t. I call ahead and she comes out to the car when we arrive and he’s happy to follow her inside. Still not a shower I know, but at least it’s something. (Right now he’s in a post-hospital rehab. (A few of) the aides are good with him and have been successful in washing him down in his bed, so he’s cleaner than he’s been in months! At least one good thing has come out of this stay.). Hopefully others will have suggestions too. Good luck and hang in there!