Support

Momof374

My mother is in a nursing home, funds are low, and my income isn't enough to help. I hate the idea of selling the house and I feel like I've betrayed her, as she's always upset when I go to visit. But at the same time, feel my care to live with her would not be enough. I really wish I could just bring her home and be "normal" like everything was before my father passed away. The frustrating part is that my father's legal wishes have caused family argument, so I have no support. I'm scared, tired, and frustrated. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ms Meg

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72588/support

When my then 89 year old father went into an ALF the only way to afford the $9,000/mo cost was to sell his house. It's a very bitter pill to swallow, but I look at it as an insurance/investment. The sad reality is your Mom can never go back to her house. Placing her in a facility where she can received the care she needs is most important. Once the house is sold, you will have the funds available and will feel so much better not having to worry about where the next payment is coming from. I know how hard that decision is to make, but owning a home is an investment and if she is unable to live there, then its time to make the investment work for her in other ways. I am so sorry you are going through this.

bether00

I’m sorry you don’t have support from your family. But, I agree with you. Her care needs have changed and you need to let go of the house to best help her moving forward. I am still sad we had to see my mom’s house, but also know it allowed for the best care for her end of life and take comfort in that.

H1235

Welcome. Have you seen a lawyer or talked with anyone about Medicaid? Your area commission on aging might be able to point you in the right direction or give you some rough ideas about qualifications. I think in some states she would be able to keep the house, but she would have no money for utilities and property taxes. After she has passed the state may be able to come back on the estate for the value of the house( I think this depends on the state). Even if the house goes to the state when she is gone, it might give you time to deal with her house. On the other hand you may have to cover utilities for the house out of your pocket. Will her nursing home accept Medicaid? It’s very complicated. I can totally understand that family adds another layer of ugliness to all of this. Good luck.