helping my brother with short term memory loss as his guardian

helpless65

I am at a loss. My brother lost his wife and continued to drink heavily. Became real sick and ended up with dementia/short term memory loss. He was able to gain a little back but I don't know what to do. I took him away from his home because there was no one there to care for him when he left the hospital. My husband I were hoping he would recover so he could go home. After a year with us, right now he's in a locked dementia unit and is only 60. To speak to him at first he is a normal person until after a while you can realize. He cannot remember how many times he speaks to us or when we visit. There's so much more going on but it's so hard to explain. The step son is there at the house and he would take advantage of my brother. he's unreliable and sneaky but all my brother wants is to go home. Which we all can understand. He feels like a poisoner and although he's being well cared for, it is not the appropriate place for him. He is on Medicaid and there aren't a lot of options. He escaped one but they brought him back. He really needs more freedom in an assisted living but would just take off and try to hitch hike home.

ALCB

Hello and welcome to the forum. Drinking and dementia are not a good combination—currently navigating this with my grandmother. Is he still drinking at the facility? Because of how his drinking started, it might work to switch him to a lower-alcohol content drink—it seems to me that what he's looking for is alcohol to cope, not a specific type of drink that he loves that he would be angry about if taken away. Are there any other family members that your brother could go to that would be willing/able to take him? I don't know the situation and this is very different for everyone, but I would recommend trying a lower alcohol drink, rationing him, and bringing him out of the facility and to a more home-y environment, whatever that may be. Being in his home could be comforting to him and mitigate his drinking somewhat—I know this sounds harsh, but is there any way to kick out your stepson?

Wishing you the best of luck in your endeavour, and know that you always have this community to ask questions or get comfort or just vent to.

Iris L.

Since your brother has a diagnosis of dementia and resides in a memory care facility, he sounds like he is in the right place. He should not be sent home to an unsupervised situation. Everything that you mention is common. If you post on the General Caregiver board, you will get more responses relating to all of your concerns.

Iris