Selling A House

CindyBum

Somehow, my DW and I both manage to own a house here in CA. I have been managing the one that’s a rental, minimally, for the last 3 years or so. Part of the drop in paying closer attention to it is we moved and it’s now 5 hours away. I want to sell to my DWs stepdaughter and husband. It will give us cash for when she needs more care and takes this other thing to manage off of my plate.

I have spent the last two hours hearing from my DW all about why that’s a bad idea. She has difficulty speaking, mind you, but is super earnest. So far, her reason is she just doesn’t think she’ll like it. So, that’s been fun.

For those who have successfully navigated the sale of a home…help! :-) Ways to bring it up. What’s to get around it?

Quilting brings calm

Do you have POA? If so, then don’t discuss it any further with her. Negotiate with the step- daughter and her husband quietly with the help of a realtor or lawyer to make the contract process easier considering your wife’s opposition. Tell her step-daughter not to discuss it with your wife or the deal is off.

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239564#Comment_239564

I do. Thanks!

Goodlife2025

I agree with Quilting. Proceed forward with the sale sharing as little of the details with your DW as possible. Its part of why you have a POA so you can make these decisions when they need to happen not when it will feel good to our LO w dementia. Hope it all goes smoothly and your load is lighter.

SDianeL

Agree with other posts. Don’t discuss any more. She is unable to reason. Don’t keep her posted. Just do it. If she asks, fib to her and tell her it’s fine or being renovated. No need to tell the truth. It only makes her anxious. Fibbing is the kindest thing for our loved ones with dementia.

Bridge4

Agree with the other comments that your DW’s “reasoner is broken” as they say. So, by proceeding on your own you can both do what needs to be done, and ease the anxiety burden on your DW. It is entirely possible that she will be DELIGHTED to hear that her stepdaughter sustains the family presence in the home if/when she learns about it at some future date.

harshedbuzz

@CindyBum

Mom and I sold 2 houses. Due to no fault of my own, the first didn't go as swimmingly as the second because mom was still in a denial phase where she believed dad had a right to be consulted. Fireworks ensued. He came very close to a geripsych admission. She learned from that to not discuss the matter, and the second sale was a relative breeze.

I can appreciate wanting to keep the property in the family and perhaps making it easier for a LO to buy a home in the current crazy market, but you might want to run this by a CELA. You may need to sell the property at a fair market price if 1) DW might need residential Medicaid (giving family a price break is considered gifting) or 2) the POA stipulates prudent management of her finances. In a similar situation, I bought my aunt's Passat from her via her guardian. Even though auntie would never need Medicaid, as guardian my other aunt had a responsibility to manage her assets prudently and get a fair price for the car.

When we sold my parents' home in MD (4-hour drive), mom signed the papers for herself and dad at her lawyer's office and had it delivered by courier. For the house in FL, I flew down and signed the settlement papers for both of them.

HB

Rick4407

I've been there and done that. Just sell without consulting….