Dad won't get out of bed

--Rebecca--

He has stage 6 Alzheimers, and I received a call that my dad will not get out of bed and refuses to eat anything. Here are a few bullet points describing our situation:

He is in an excellent facility.

He has 2-3 family visits a week from myself and my brother. Last week I visited him 4 days in a row, including taking him on an outing to buy cans of food for the food bank.

For 15+ years, He has threatened to kill himself if he was ever placed in a facility. Well, he has been in AL and MC for one year.

His wife, our mom, died last June. After that, he kept saying he was going to kill himself. This included telling people this at her funeral.

Last August [seemed to be in stage 4 at that time] he told us the date he was going to kill himself. We told him we loved him, tried to make his last week as nice as possible. We respected his wishes and understood he was rapidly declining at that point. He didn't do it, but he never called us to let us know he changed his mind.

Dad has never cared about anyone else's feelings. The only person whom he has cared about in our family was our mother.

Despite him being a first class a-hole, we have always taken good care of him and overlooked his negative behavior.

Memory care said they can't make him eat. He just got a full physical after he refused to go to breakfast. No physical issues. Over the years, I have asked for psychological support. He has refused. I tried again, twice since December. Facility had Dad meet with the psychologist. They said they can't make him take meds or get counseling, and that he presented .

I'm tired of caring for him. I know he wants to die. I hope he can be at peace soon and hope he never has to face stage 7.

Quilting brings calm

You’ve truly done what you can do. He is in a facility with staff and care. I suggest you call in hospice in addition to the MC staff. He is late enough in dementia that he should qualify and it will be extra support for you.

Ms Meg

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72670/dad-wont-get-out-of-bed

I have a very similar situation as you, my Dad is in a great facility and they tell me the same thing about eating. You should contact hospice. They will evaluate him and help care for him if he isnt eating. My Dad sleeps 18-20 hrs a day and goes for days without eating. Hospice isnt just for the very end of ones life. They will make sure he is clean and comfortable. They pay for all medication and supply adult diapers. Its covered by medicare and will cost nothing. They come right to the facility where he is living. Additionally, hospice has services to support YOU. Use them - they are like no other organization, they care and they want to help.

Ms Meg

--Rebecca--

NEW TITLE:

DAD WON'T GET OUT OF BED. UNTIL HE DID.

He is not approaching dying. In fact, his health keeps improving since he moved to this MC, with excellent food and excellent services. So in this instance, he refused breakfast, refused lunch, tried to die through sheer will, then gave up. He got up, shuffled off to dinner.

I appreciate the Hospice information. I will call hospice as soon as I can. This facility has their own hospice and they will add it as soon as he qualifies.

Thank you so very much for reading my post and responding to me. I really appreciate the advice. Being able to vent about these negative things is something that other people can't handle, and I'm glad to have this forum.