Worried about Mom

mpang123

My parents have different stages of dementia. My dad, 89, is well situated in a care home under hospice care. He is very easy to take care of since he is totally bed bound at stage 7. My Mom, 84, on the other hand, is going to be a challenge. She has realization that her memory is getting worse and she knows she has Alzheimer's. She is depressed over grieving my dad as well as herself. She's so frustrated with keeping up with paying bills so she told me to take charge since I have POA. I have set up all her bills on auto pay. I also had a tax consultant file her taxes and that was a complex task for me trying to gather all the information needed. But I'm proud of myself because I saved my Mom from owing the IRS. Several times I found out she was overpaying bills so I had to correct her accounts. The things she are good at are cooking, and exercising (walking). Now I'm trying to get information on transfer on death deeds and rights to survivorship. I'm still trying to get a lawyer that I can afford. Mom knows I'm doing as best as I can to take care of both her and Dad and she appreciates me. I worry that as she start losing her independence, she will want to "give up". She already tells me she wishes she doesn't have to deal with anything anymore. I'm cautiously observing her progression and getting ready in case she needs to be placed too. I hope I'll continue to be there for my parents as long as they need me.

--Rebecca--

It sounds like you are doing an excellent job supporting both of your parents. I hope the months ahead are as easy as possible for both you and your parents.

Your mom entering the "giving up" phase, if she ever enters it, should not been seen as a failure. When my dad talks this way, I say things like:

I believe you.

Tell God you are ready to go.

I will miss you.

Then I pivot to, you are here right now, and we have to make the best of it.

They have so many things taken away from them. They lose control of most things toward the end of their life. They can't control their schedule, their body. Their living environment. But they can be in control of their feelings, and I try to support those choices no matter how difficult. (I have tried to cheer him up, and get psych help as needed, too.)

Hugs to you, Ms Meg!

psg712

You are doing a beautiful job in a very hard situation. I have one parent with Alzheimer’s. Its difficult to imagine how I would handle both at once. Blessings to you as you continue to care for them!