What do you need to provide for a live-in caretaker?

TheCatWantsOut

I am considering hiring a live-in caretaker for my father. I am having trouble finding much information about what sort of living environment you need to provide for the caretaker. Any guidance would be appreciated.

To provide some context, my father's house is not in good repair. I would not want to live there but my standards may not be the same as other people's. It is not a "Hoarders" situation but he does not do housework so all the surfaces are cluttered and there's not a lot of pleasant living space. The oven and stove do not work. He has a microwave and a refrigerator. There is no dishwasher, he uses paper plates and disposable utensils. I don't know if he has any dishes or cookware. He has a washing machine but no dryer. There are 3 bedrooms and 1.5 functional bathrooms. The furniture is 1960's vintage but not in a good way. The heating and A/C are fine.

terei

I would be surprised if you find a live in that will be willing to caretake + do the cleaning, wash, cooking etc under those conditions. If you do, I would expect to pay more than you would for assisted living, which is what I would be considering.

H1235

I think you would need to get the house in order first, then look for a live in caregiver. I’m guessing he might be a bit set in his ways and changes to the house will not go over well. You could move him to Al, but I doubt that will go well either. Sometimes with dementia there is really no option that will make them happy. You have to do what is best for him, even if he doesn’t like it. Sorry I’m making some big assumptions. I hope you can find a solution that works.

harshedbuzz

@TheCatWantsOut

This is a tough situation.

My neighbor has had live-in caregivers twice. Once for his first wife who had MS as she progressed, and he needed to move because of work visiting on weekends and then later for his second wife's elderly mom with dementia.

From what I have observed and learned from chatting with these caregivers— they can be a pretty persnickety bunch and will gravitate to the cushier assignments— pleasant people in pleasant spaces. They will expect a fully outfitted and functional kitchen and bathrooms. They are typically given their own bath and bedroom. These two caregivers had a spouse staying at least some nights and the dementia-caregiver also had family visit regularly. They got days off and annual vacations covered by the spouse, the daughter or by additional hired aides. The spouse provided a van for his wife's caregivers to use for her. The daughter of the PWD took mom to her appointments and such so a car wasn't needed.

He did his own payroll as he's a CPA by trade, but he hired lawn care. He also increased the insurance on the home in case one of the caregivers was injured.

It's a lot of work to make happen and keep happening even if the home doesn't need some significant repairs first. One concern I would have given your description of the house as it is now might be whether an APS worker would flag the house as uninhabitable and find the POA guilty of neglect.

HB

TheCatWantsOut

Thank you all for the responses. This more or less validates my point of view that a quality live-in caretaker: (1) Will expect better living conditions, and (2) incurs a fair bit work for the responsible family member, albeit different work than hands-on elder care.

There are two main reasons I was looking into the live-in care route. First is the obvious one, that may father wants to stay in the home in which he has lived for nearly his entire life. Second, he has one relative within walking distance and another a 5 minute drive away who both keep an eye on him as well as provide some emotional support.

I don't have any concern about APS and the house; he has lived without a stove for 35 years and its not like he is going to learn to cook at 80 years old. Aside from that, the house is perfectly "livable" though messy and kind of sad. I don't think there is an APS requirement for a clothes dryer or a second full bathroom. At the same time if APS pulled him out of the house and moved him to assisted living I wouldn't complain much.

Given the dramatic rise in cost of everything over the past few years, I would guess that the cost of renovating the kitchen and constructing a second bathroom for the live-in caregiver would be about $100k, not to mention the difficulty of managing that project remotely. That's a lot of money that may go to waste if he ends up needing to leave the house in the next few years.

At least I have some more data now to help figure out a path forward.

nopost

Inexpensive way to get an expert opinion- ask a licensed care agency to evaluate your Dad , the house and what they would charge to provide live in.

If you went independent you'd be facing staffing issues- for weekends , vacations, sick enough to leave days , WC insurance, tax service to do payroll , hiring a company to do backgrounds checks, no oversight for finance or physical abuse.