Four months

Quilting brings calm

It has been four months since Mom died. I find myself feeling I should call her, I should be going to the AL to see her. By that I mean that I feel guilty that I’m not doing those things any more. It’s not exactly that I miss doing them- it wasn’t as if mom was capable ( for several years) of being someone to carry on a rousing conversation with or a game of cards etc. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not.

I’m still trying to get her ‘estate’ settled. Once taxes are filed and the refund received, then I need to get a small estate affidavit signed. There are a couple of tiny refund checks and an account I can’t close without one. No idea what the tax refund will be payable to.

We moved, and are trying to settle in. Haven’t got the old house on the market yet. So staying busy with that. And oh yes, we are on our mid-sixties and having some health issues of our own. Golden years ….

How are the rest of you stage 8 members?

bether00

I know what you mean about thinking to visit. My mom died a month ago. I went back to work recently and almost drove to her home afterwards. The moments I’m on autopilot, and forget she’s gone really sting. I filled an extension for her taxes this week. I didn’t realize that all the poa work means nothing when someone passes away. I’m still just very tired and sad a lot. I have to pick up her ashes and no where seems right to keep them before we release them as a family.

Golden years don't always seem so golden. My mom was suppose to enjoy her retirement, so sad after working so hard for so many years to have so few.

Thanks for asking! Hang in there.

fmb

Thank you for checking on us in Stage 8.

Since DH died January 21, I have been back a couple of times to visit the ALF where he lived. The last time was to give little thank-you gifts to members of his hospice team who had become like family to me. I don't know if I'll go back there again. Our paths have diverged, and despite the pain, I think it is time for me to walk my own path without them. When I visited this last time, I walked past DH's old room. It was jarring to see someone else's name on the door. That was our home for 14 mos. I feel lost without the routine of visiting him.

I'm packing to move to an apartment and finding it hard to go through our belongings. DH owned a large oil reproduction of a famous painting. He had owned it for years and told me he wanted me to keep it after he was gone. It wasn't valuable, I have no place in the new apartment to hang it, and I never really liked it anyway. After a long argument with myself, I finally donated it to a local charity thrift store. And I feel so guilty for doing so. It's like he's slowly disappearing from my life.

I'm having the most trouble dealing with my mother's death on March 7. Because I was still reeling from DH's death, my brother decided to delay my mother's out-of-state funeral until after Easter. Neither of my siblings are practicing Catholics, so I was given the task of selecting the music for the funeral mass. I spent most of Tuesday listening to hymns on youtube and crying. I'm looking forward to the trip with mixed feelings and hoping I can hold it together long enough to get through everything.

I never wanted my mother so much as when DH died, but she was too far gone in dementia to even know who I was. And I've never needed DH so much as now that she is gone. I feel completely unmoored and adrift. It doesn't help that my 65th birthday is coming up, and I am having some health problems, probably stress-related. Although I knew both of their deaths were coming, I am simply overwhelmed.