Caregiver

kingr2

I started caring for my ex-husband who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last August. We have been friends since we got divorced over 30 years ago. I sold my condo that I lived in for 23 years and sold his home and we have a mutual home now.

I knew that this was not going to be easy, but I really didn’t know how difficult it could be.

I have had all these thoughts and feelings and now that I’m trying to put them into Words, I’m having a difficult time. I’m not even sure where to begin.

Sometimes I feel like I am not good at this. I feel like I don’t have enough patience or understanding. I know that he can’t help many things, but sometimes I still get frustrated.

I work, watch my grandson, a couple days, a week and care for him. Right now he can still be left alone, but I don’t know for how much longer.

I’ve been needing to find a support group for a long time, but just haven’t taken the time to sit down and do it.

I would love to get involved in virtual support meetings. Does anyone have any suggestions for meetings?

Thank you for your time.

SusanB-dil

Hi kingr2 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It is normal to feel we are not doing as much as we can. And yes, I totally admit that sometimes my patience wears rather thin. It is difficult. I know there are virtual supports, but sorry, not familiar where. However, I would like to suggest maybe get some in-house care/help maybe a day or two a week? Or maybe there is an adult daycare nearby? Caregiver burnout is real, and it sounds like you are getting there. While you have someone else there for him, maybe you could get out and go to a favorite place with your grandson? A park, the library, coffee shop…

yeah, i really HATE 'this' frickin' disease

eaglemom

Welcome to the message boards. Have you contacted the local ALZ chapter? That would be a good place to start. They should be able to offer you a direction to look. I do know there are FB groups - but I don't know anything about them or with whom they are associated.

If you go to the top of this page, in the purple and click on ALZConnected Resources you will find many helpful hints. I know there are programs out there. Personally my DH and I participated in a daily zoom program called Dementia Friendly which is wonderful.

eagle

Arrowhead

None of us feel up to the task and we all feel like we're not doing enough. All we can do is to keep trying and keep learning. You can do this, you're stronger than you realize.

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your ex’s diagnosis. He’s lucky to have you. I would read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search for Tam Cummings videos on Yourube. Learn all you can. This website used to have online support groups. You can search or call the toll free number at the top of the page. They have many resources. One thing that helped me after my husband’s diagnosis was someone here posted. “You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” I started thinking of my husband as my patient and me his nurse which took some of the expectations and emotion out of our interaction. Being a caregiver to someone with dementia is mentally and physically exhausting. Take care of yourself. Come here often for info, support and to vent. We understand. 💜

H1235

I agree with sdianel. The more you learn about dementia the better. I find comfort in just having some idea of what is to come, even if it’s not good. There are also different ways to approach him that may allow things to go more smoothly. It takes a while to adjust and even then we all make mistakes. I have attached a staging tool that might be helpful as well as dementia care absolutes. I hope something here helps.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

kingr2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239994#Comment_239994

I will definitely check into the local chapter. Thank you.

kingr2

I remember the first time I saw “never argue”. At that point, I actually had to laugh at myself. I was trying to deal with the situation what I thought was a logical and rational way.

kingr2

By the way, thank you.

kingr2

Great points. Thank you so much.

JJ401

You are caring for your EX. Have you seen an elder care lawyer about the laws in your state and how to organize finances and POAs so that they confirm to state law and protect you and him? That's one of the first bits of advice often seen on this board. If you have, great. If you haven't, now is the time.

This board us a great source of wisdom. Read. Ask questions.