Getting better, wants to come home??!

Katie S

We moved my mom (75) into memory care assisted living in September. At that time she was wandering often, trying to hurt herself, not sleeping, and needed to be watched 24/7 to stay safe. The first 3 months in MC she was confused and generally accepted where she was living. She was depressed and not eating so was started on lexapro and remeron.

Now in the past 3 months she has been more alert and asking for a different place to live, more independence. Where are her things? Why is she here? Where is her car?

I am surprised because I thought she would either continue to decline or plateau. But she seems to be getting “better”.

Advice? Would it make sense to come home?
Have others seen this?

terei

IMO no, it is not time to come home. You placed her for reasons known to you. My go to was always ‘You are staying here on Dr’s orders until you are ‘better’..there is nothing I can do about it, but I will talk to him/her (again)’ . She is ‘better’ because she is eating regularly + is having social interaction. This is a progressive disease + you know the end game. Ask the facility’s staff if she is doing ok + take their word for it. She may be bringing this up ONLY with you, because you are a trigger for her remembering her prior living arrangements. It sounds to me like she is doing ok.

squeez

I am sorry you are dealing with this situation. I can totally relate, I was a caregiver for my mother and placing her in a home destroyed me.

You are not alone and I feel you did the right thing by coming to this message board. I've only been a member a short time however, once I made my first post (there goes my hero) and immediately received positive and caring feedback I then realized that my hardship was not mine alone and that many others face similar situations.

I took my mother out of two different nursing homes because I felt so guilty and my heart stood in the way of making the right decision.

If I may say, I feel the MC Is the best place for her. While at home my mother would fall once every month or so. My mother was TERRIBLE with hydration and as a result she would become so weak and or dizzy. She fell off the toilet once and hit her head on the bathtub. It was almost as though her voice changed to that of mimicking a child. Not only that but her answers to my questions were almost like talking to a child, had I not seen her visually I probably would have thought this was some sort of joke on her behalf. Maybe an hour or so later she was back to "normal" but it was both bizarre and frightening. I often remind myself to be grateful that nothing worse than that happened.

I would see improvement in my mother after her short hospital stays of 2 to 3 days each as a result of hydration, She received fluids via IV every hospital stay. Once she was back home 2 to 3 Days later we were right back to where we were before each fall. In hindsight, I know I held on a lot longer then I should have but my heart stood in the way.

Reading your post helped me and I thank you for sharing.