Problem when we walk or bike

annie51

I feel like I’m being really whiny lately (and maybe “wine-y also 😉) but I have another question to pose to this group of creative thinkers. This has happened a few times now and I am not handling it correctly. We’ll be walking or biking and he wants to go a certain way. Ok, we go that way. But as we get farther away from the car or the house, he is not aware of the distance and direction we need to go but thinks he is. I try to direct him the right way so we don’t get too far away, but eventually he insists on going a different direction, usually the opposite way I suggest. I try to stay calm but I eventually fail, knowing that we’ll have a very tough time getting back. Of course he just gets angry and cusses at me, then goes back to good mood, then back and forth it goes. Today we walked 4-1/4 miles, and it was over 3 miles to get back to the car. So I called a friend to pick us up and bring us to our car.

I’m stuck as to how to handle this - walking and biking are two of the few things we can still do, but now I’m getting hesitant to go. I needed to vent but if there are any ideas or advice out there, let me know!

Kat63

Maybe instead of directing, ask him if he can show you the way back and then turn the way you need to go but making it seem like it is him showing you. Just telling my husband he has to do something never goes well even though it makes sense to us. Instead I ask his opinion, like don’t you think we should turn around now? I use to have to take him for drives as he always wanted to go home. Those would go best when I asked him to help show me where I needed to turn etc. Even though he really didn’t help, he believed he did and was okay about being driven back to our home.

SDianeL

I would try talking about going home for a treat. Set a time limit for the walk. Go the same route each time. Say things like “it’s time to turn around and go home for our ice cream” Maybe set an alarm on your phone. Distractions or redirections usually work best. Maybe something like “I saw something we passed I want to go see again” bird, squirrel, whatever he likes. This may be a dumb suggestion but how about a walking GPS showing the way home?

harshedbuzz

Are there smaller parks or neighborhoods that have a single loop walking trail? Where I live a couple of places have these— the local hospital has a nice trail around the grounds of the main hospital and rehab hospitals and there are a couple of newer subdivisions that have a trail around their community. There are a couple smaller parks that have a single loop trail as well.

HB

Marla13

I think I would ditch the bikes altogether and stick to walking. Setting a timer to turn around would be a good idea or do use loop trails.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240227#Comment_240227

We do have several parks with loop trails that we do often. In fact, that’s what I intended to do yesterday so I parked there and he wanted to walk out to the street and do something different. Oh well…

MN Chickadee

You'll probably need to manage more closely the trails and routes you go. If there's no end to them you probably won't convince him of how far in you are. No amount of reasoning will get through, you just have to work behind the scenes. If you stick to an area that has a built in loop or few options you won't have to negotiate with him. It may be more boring but a way to maintain some semblance of that normalcy. Or be ready to Uber back from various places if you want the freedom of walking anywhere you want. Biking may be a problem, you may have to disable a part and "send it to the shop" indefinitely.

CindyBum

walking with my DW became so annoying for me with her wandering and moving toward instead of away from cars, I stopped doing them with her. Her caregiver takes her now and that keeps them short and safe, as DW doesn’t try to keep walking the way we used to love. Sigh

RetiredTeacher

Perhaps deciding how far he can actually walk and then setting a time limit, even if it's just in your own mind. Deliberately make an appt, outing, stop at store, bank, lunch out, etc for one hour after you begin walking. Discuss the plan before you go and when you begin. I understand he may not remember those conversations. Tell him you're setting your watch or phone alarm for 30 min and venture forth. When it rings, announce time to go back so we can get to lunch/store/appt on time. Worth a try.

H1235

This is probably a crazy idea. If you need to turn right to get back to your car, tell him you think you need to turn left. People with dementia don’t like being told what to do. I know my mom would almost always choose the opposite of what I suggest. You “reluctantly “ go the way he wants. He is correct, which makes him feel good and you’re not stuck hiking longer than you want.

annie51

So many great suggestions! Thank you all.