Wants to "go home"

Cat K

This is my first post. Husband was diagnosed with Alz/dementia a year ago, but in retrospect I know it began several years ago. Every day he says he wants to go home, even though he is home. When I tell him we are home, he gets upset and says "it's not my home." I don't know what to say or do. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Carl46

This is pretty common. "Home" means different things to different people, but we all have a place and time we felt at peace. He may want to return to his childhood home, or some other place he used to live. When my wife says it, she means she wants to go to bed and sleep next to me. What she (and probably your LO) really wants is her brain back.

Don't argue with him about whether he is home. Whatever he means by "home" he isn't there. Maybe you can try something like saying "We'll go as soon as we can, but you can stay here with me for now,"

Cat K

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240329#Comment_240329

Thank you for your suggestion. Sometimes he'll tell me to call his mom to come and pick him up. His mom died in 1997. So maybe he is talking about going to his childhood home.

Kat63

Yes this is very common and with my DH it was his childhood home. When it was really bad and redirecting didn’t help, I would have to put him in the car and take a drive. Most of the time that helped and would resolve the issue for that day, as it usually happened late afternoon, early evening (sundowning). Sometimes while taking the drive I would ask him where we needed to turn etc., and he would help direct me back to our house. As he progressed, it is easier to redirect with statements like we have to be here today as our daughter is stopping by but we can go tomorrow. And the next day repeat something similar.

annie51

I went through this for a short period with my DH. I use a line something like @Carl46 suggested and it worked pretty well. I had trouble coming up with something on the spot when he asked me to call her though…I said that his parents were at his sister’s home in Maryland (we’re in Florida). I pretended to call his sister and said there was no answer and we’d try again another time. He never asked again. It’s distressing because it hits you by surprise. I felt awful using fiblets but it satisfied him.

sandwichone123

If he wants to call his mom, you might say that she's at work and you can call later, or some other excuse that might work. Once you find something that works, keep using it. Sometimes we feel like we have to come up with new excuses every time, but the same on usually keeps working.