Revenge

RetaMeta55

I didn’t know that a person with dementia could be so revengeful. My husband is a hoarder and he has been collecting things from all over the house. It could be trash it could be trinkets or food etc. He puts them in the corner of the room where he sits. I have to clean up or it will get unreal. I sometimes throw things in the trash. He gets so possessive of his stuff he feels I want steal everything. Last night I left my purse out which I try not to do. Sometime in the middle of the night he stole my debit cards and put them somewhere. He said he did it for revenge of all the things I have taken from him. Of course he can’t remember where he placed them. I looked all over. I had to contact both banks, put a stop on them, and order new ones. I suspected he would do this someday well that someday was today. Has anyone ever have that happen to them?

Carl46

Oh, yes, that happens a lot. Some PWDs even harm their caretakers. My wife kept me from taking our disabled son to the doctor by refusing to get in the car, saying "You always tell me what to do, now I've kept you from doing something you want to do."

Just because PWDs may not be legally responsible for their actions doesn't mean they lack the ability to form malice.

Biggles

it’s so sad they really don’t know what they are doing and have no control over sensible or nonsensical words. I’ve found it best not to fight with whatever my DH wants to do, just manipulate it to suit you. Could he have a box in the corner to put things in. You could sort through it and take out the food bits when he is not around. We have, what used to be our office, I have a corner with cupboards which is out of bounds (to try and keep bills and computer stuff in order) on his side everything is now out of the cupboards and all over his side of the desk, including binoculars, old cameras, navigational equipment, photos. He can no longer use the computer but it just sits there (buried under empty envelopes etc) he’s so happy in there messing about with his stuff and doesn’t want it touched. Good luck it’s hard.

SDianeL

very common. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. They become like toddlers. They become obsessed with things. Give him a basket or box to put his stuff in. After he goes to sleep. Throw some of the stuff away. Don’t tell him you did it. Don’t put it in the trash where he can see it. If he asks about any of his stuff tell him you don’t know then change the subject or distract with a treat. Lock your purse in a locked cabinet along with car keys. I put the cabinet key on a wrist key chain. Learn all you can about the disease. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me. Also Tam Cummings videos online are good.

harshedbuzz

@RetaMeta55

My father could be willfully revengeful well into the later stages of the disease. His pre-dementia baseline was charming borderline sociopath, and this not only remained, but his lack of filter also made it more obvious to those who'd not been on the receiving end previously.

He was very unhappy that I'd convinced my mom to move them nearer me; she needed help and wasn't safe living away with dad as her advocate in an emergency. He was angry to not be able to control her and held he responsible for ruining his life and often stated that he hoped to make her as miserable as possible. Meds helped a lot with this. This behavior did cease sometime in the latter half of stage 6, and he became uncharacteristically pleasant.

HB