Anyone With Resentment?

cindie-san

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242052#Comment_242052

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242054#Comment_242054

wascaly

Yes…it really is all we can do. Every day is a challenge and I pray for strength to make it one more day…

Thanks for your encouragement. I appreciate it very much.

t210

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240925#Comment_240925

R.T., this is only my second time to sign on and both times have related to your posts. I’m a retired teacher of 18yrs and have been married to my husband MD nearly 42 years also!

I agree that time to ourselves are absolutely vital for caregivers. It’s difficult to set aside/prioritize the time but I always benefit from it and that makes me more loving and tolerant helping my husband.

Yes, anger, resentment, bitterness are real with this “career” of caregiving. I agree that they need to be dealt with. For me I seem to pray about some form almost daily!

It took me nearly 5 years to go through the stages of grief, about the changes in my husband and my role, to come to acceptance. I think laying down our expectations that we had for this stage of life/marriage, and that American society advertises, is also essential.

Once we accept the illness, then it’s easier to get into a new mindset of what a practical day or week will look like.

I think taking one day at a time, and often moment by moment, helps me.

Thank you fellow caregivers for your wisdom and transparency here.

Runningdeer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242075#Comment_242075

You are in my prayers, my brave friend.

CAnnK

Sometimes I don’t think anyone can really understand my resentment. I also think I should have left years ago but always had reason not to and things didn’t seem bad enough just not good then my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 59 and now this is my life. Typing this feels wrong but reading other peoples experience and feelings helps me feel validated. We are only in the early stages and I don’t know how I will deal with the future.

l7pla1w2

Welcome. You have come to the right place, a place where everyone understands what you're experiencing and will support you.

I've found that reading about others' experiences has been both helpful for dealing with feelings and useful for learning to care for my DW. Continue to participate in the group and know that you are doing the best you can. It's not easy.

wascaly

No…it’s definitely not easy. It’s almost like watching a train wreck - you see it coming, but there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

jfkoc

CAnneK…Please keep posting.

YOu will read things you do not agree with but then you will read something that really help.

The sharing alone will be helpful. We here know how hard this is and we care about you. Say what eved you need to say.

Palmetto Peg

When I first started coming to this site, I posted a discussion about not loving my spouse with dementia. There were so many people who replied and said they understood and felt the same way! Just because my DH is ill doesn't erase all of the hard years when he was so controlling and difficult. I am still resentful that what I hoped for in my retirement years isn't going to happen. However, my DH is now in Memory Care, so I do get a break from caregiving. I am never really free, but there are other people looking after him some of the time. I have come to accept what has happened, and can feel pity for him - his life is far worse than mine. But, like most of us, I will be relieved when this is over. Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that you are doing a hard job every day and every night, for no appreciation at all! Try to find time to get away and do something you like to do. We are here and we understand!!

wascaly

I totally understand what you’re saying. Sometimes I find myself actually HATING him for making my life a living hell and wishing I’d never married him, Then I feel sooo damned guilty! I know without a doubt he would NEVER feel that way about me. I’m constantly asking God to forgive me, but just how many times can He forgive me when I keep feeling the same way every single day?
I feel so sorry for him, and I’d do anything to make him whole again, and so, I keep praying.
I know God can do anything IF it’s His will. I’m sure, like anyone else, everyone wonders just what IS His will?