Dirty habits

Kiran

HI. My mom is a stage 6 dementia patient and we have a caregiver for her during day time while I am away for work. From evening 5 pm, I take care of her and I have set a daily pattern for her.

1. Take her down for a stroll in the society everyday. Make her sit with her old friends n I socialize with then, such that she attempts to talk to them. She is 90 percent of the times confused and has become a person of very few words.

2. Feed her ...she does not eat on her own...and only stares at it. Give her a bowl of soup n homemade Indian food which she likes to eat.

3. Make her watch TV with me...so that she is involved in something atleast.

4. Change her dirty diapers n that's where the problem starts. She is passing motions post each meal and in large quantity. I clean her everyday and ensure that she is cleansed v nicely. However, she has dirty habits of touching her poop...scratching her urinary area...n when she sees poop...she just goes berserk and does not know how to calm down. Today I booke down crying in front of her while cleaning her...as she messed up everything ( I generally don't show my emotions to her & always smile to her without showing her the pain I go thru).

How do I manage such behaviour? She is 80 yrs old and it's v difficult to manage her. When I am at home along with the Caregiver...she ill treats the Caregiver and I am totally consumed with her.

At times I feel she is obsessed with me and does not want me to talk to anyone or go anywhere. I have left my family to take care of her and she does not appreciate it and I feel miserable

PPlease Give me tips to manage my mental stability.

Thanks

eaglemom

I am so sorry no one has responded to your posting. Welcome to the message board no one wants to be at.

I certainly have no expertise in this area. Does the caregiver have to change a dirty diaper? If so, how does your mom act for her? I'm sure you've tried this, but I'd think you've got to distract her when your changing her. Give her something in her hands to hold / touch. I might even try a photo, try to get her to engage in talking about it rather than seeing what you are doing. Just some distraction.

You say you've left your family to take care of her. Personally your heart is in the right spot, caring for your mom. But…..you have a family and they need you as you need them. Being with them will help your mental stability I would think. Can your mom not go into a facility? I say that not being mean, but rather in helping you. You can't be two places with mom and your family. Your mom will not ever 'realize' you've given up your family - her mind is broken.

The best advice I would think that would help you is for you to either have 24 hr care at her home (very expensive) or find a facility for her. Your not being mean to mom, your getting her the help she needs and you get to be with your family. What are your thoughts?

eagle