Dealing with Burnout

Daisie

Hi, all. Haven't been here in a while.

I'm dealing with severe burnout. The last few years were incredibly stressful, having my mom live with me as her dementia progressed. I placed her in an MCF last fall, which turned out to be a nightmare, and now she's in a lovely ACH where she's cared for very lovingly and with kindness.

However, I'm just feeling exhausted. I have a hard time settling down and relaxing. I feel I constantly have to be on the move and take care of things. I just want to be at home, with my cat, or with friends. I work from home full-time as a contractor, where I can make my own hours, but am feeling forced back into the office, which stresses me out and makes me even more tired.

Is this normal after caring for someone for so long with dementia/alzheimer's? It's not that I'm unmotivated…I just am motivated by the freedom to do as I please, and that's all, and it's scaring me.

Wondering if anyone else experiences this and how do you cope?

SusanB-dil

Hi Daisie - I'm so sorry you are going through all that. Is there someone you could talk to? It sounds like you are really overwhelmed with everything.

Is there a favorite place you like? Even just a coffee shop or bring a lunch and a book to a park? Or even a past hobby you'd want to pick up again? These are some of the things I do. In the evening, maybe have my cat next to me, while I read or do some crafting... just to get the mind off of all the stressful stuff. Even just for a little while it can help.

((Hugs)) i hope you feel more like yourself soon.

SDianeL

I don’t remember caregivers saying they were more stressed after placing their loved one in memory care although it can be mentally exhausting if you are worrying about her or visiting too often. You mentioned that you feel forced to go into the office. Is that by choice? Or are you being asked to? Maybe that conflict is the source of your anxiety? Can you still work at home a few days a week? I would make an appointment with a counselor. Caregiving is hard. Burnout is serious. Try to find something you enjoy and take time for yourself. Hugs. 💜

Anonymousjpl123

I do actually relate. When my mom was in AL and I was caring for her 24/7 basically I was living on adrenaline and that’s what kept me going. When she moved to MC I was EXHAUSTED. Part of it was I felt I had ti jump back into giving more of myself to work, friends, myself.

My advice? Be very gentle with yourself. Truly. No one realizes how hard this is until they do it or know someone doing it. My friend used to work in elder care and said “the only group we had for families for people w/loved ones with dementia.” It’s different than just caring for an older parent.

Try to get exercise, try to meditate, take baths, get into nature. It sounds cliche and impossible but it’s important. You need to be whole in yourself to really care for someone else, especially when they are in a facility.