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bgblue64

Hi, I am a new to this group and need any advice or direction as to how to better assist my 86 year old mother that was diagnosed with dementia back in 2023. She had a stroke that affected her short term memory, she couldn't tell you what happened last year of anything at the moment but constantly talks about things that happened a long time ago.

It seems as if the dementia is progressing rapidly, it started out with her not remembering that she sat next to her son dying from cancer until his last breath to getting aggressive and sharing some choice words that come out of nowhere.

I had a house fire the month before she had her stroke in 2023 so me and my husband have been living with her for the time being. She have been experiencing what has been told to me as sundown syndrome since September 2024, and I notice that this started shortly after we went on vacation for the weekend. She now think that her house is my house and she is visiting me and almost every night wants to go to her house where she raised her children . When we tell her that the house does not exist, we would have to take her to show her that the house did not exist, and she would do the same thing when we got there give us directions back to her house by saying you go this way and turn down by her sister house and she live down the road from her. She have even left out of the house walking in the dark because we would try to convince her that she was home so we would walk alone side of her going to her sister house and after being there for a short period, 20-30 minutes she would walk back home but tell us that she needed to go home and check on those children or her house was left open.

We have a baby monitor in her bedroom, and I don't sleep well due to constantly listening for her to get up. She talks in her sleep a lot always talking to someone.

I have been looking for support group to get advice or ideas about what to do and not do.

She is just as lost as I am, I remember her saying to me before it starting getting worse; how afraid she was because she couldn't remember things.

So sad.

H1235

Welcome to this place. I have found it is a great resource for advice and a good place to vent frustration with people who understand. The number one thing I would suggest is to give up trying to reason with or get her to understand. It’s not going to work and it’s just going to make everyone frustrated and upset. If she says the sky is purple, tell her what a beautiful shade of purple it is. Try going along with her in whatever way works. Try a few different approaches to see what works best. If she thinks the house is yours, tell her how happy you are to have her stay with you. If she wants to visit her house put it off til tomorrow or next week, or completely change the subject and suggest a snack. If she thinks you brother is alive, make an excuse for why he hasn’t stopped. You need to live in her world (time period)now to make it easier for her. There may be medication that can help with the sundowning and wrestles sleep. You might want to talk with her doctor. Not all primary care doctors are good with dementia and how to treat symptoms. I have attached the 10 absolutes of dementia care that might be helpful. There are also great resources if you go to groups and then new caregivers.

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your Mom. I recommend the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Also search for Tam Cummings videos for caregivers on YouTube. You can’t reason with your Mom. Her reasoner is broken. Fib to her if you have to. Home is a feeling to her, not a place. Wanting to go home is common in dementia patients. Just make up a fib and keep repeating it when she asks. Something like the house is being repaired. We will go later. It also sounds like You need locks on the doors so she can’t get out. She could wander off. There are also monitors that tell you when she gets out of bed. Come here often for info and support. We understand what you’re going through.