Attending church

Whatdowedonext

We had a great church group, with several dear friends. We stopped attending but maintained the friendships. My husband now has advanced Alzheimer’s. Is it possible to return to church services now? There are some who would accept him easily, but I am concerned that this would be a distraction for members who don’t know him. My concerns would apply to any public social group - is it too big a lift for a group to accept someone who is obviously dealing with this disease? How do we figure this out?

JJ401

DH here belongs to a men's social club. He has played in several of the leagues for years. Although his short term memory is awful, he is still able to play fairly well. (In one league his partner and he came in first last session.) The guys have been wonderful with him. They watch out for him and make sure he waits for me to pick him up. I recently had surgery and when I told them I would not be driving, they volunteered to transport him.

If you'd like to go back to church services, try it. If DH enjoys it, keep going. If he doesn't, stop. Those who don't accept DH being there need to rethink their faith.

GothicGremlin

I think it depends on how advanced your husband is, and how he responds in other larger social gatherings. I'd be more concerned for him rather than those around him. It might be too loud for him and/or there might be too many people there for him to tolerate.

I ask these things because I think of my sister when she was in the advanced stages. She was in memory care and she would melt down if she had to eat in the dining room. She even told me there were too many people there. When she said that to me, there were three people in the room, none of them anywhere near her.

ARIL

I agree with GothicGremlin that it all depends on your husband’s stage and likely response.

My father continued to go to church when he was in early stages. Then the pandemic happened, and disease progression also got worse. He talks a lot about wanting to go to church, and about a year ago we took him to a Sunday service. The opening music was too loud for him. He asked to leave. We left.

Arrowhead

I stopped taking my wife to church when she started leaving during the service, sometimes after only 10 minutes. The people were always kind to her and now, several years later, they still ask me how she's doing.

Whatdowedonext

Thank you for great responses, I am thinking “no” because it is depressing for him to think about his former roles in the church (treasurer, board, etc) and his current disability. We are really grateful for the support we have received from our friends.

JoseyWales

We stopped going to church when it became too much for DH. We started back up at a different church shortly before DH went into MC. He was at the point where he couldn't sit at home without needing to go somewhere, didn't know me, couldn't even watch TV. He was obsessed with the fact that he had to go to church. So I took him one day. He loved the music, and would just sit quietly through an entire service. I was shocked how much he was able to sit, especially when I know he wasn't able to understand a thing that was going on.
My only problem was the church only had mens and women's restrooms. I had to take him with me into the women's, because at that point he needed help and couldn't go on his own.