Moving Advice

kms47

Hello,
My mom was diagnosed with major neuro cognitive disorder in November. She has a follow up with a neurologist for further testing in August. She has no idea that there’s anything wrong with her which is making helping her just impossible for my sister and brother and myself. She is refusing to let one of us be at her doctors appointment (though her doctor said someone should be with her at appointments and we do have POA for health.) She will not allow us to directly help with her finances, though we can view her bank account so we know when something is amiss and can get her boyfriend (who she does listen to and allows to help her) to fix it with her. She cannot hold onto new information for even for 2 minutes. We have no idea of what we are doing or how to help her.

She’s still living in her own home on her own but the boyfriend, who lives about 1.5 hours away, has asked her to move in with him. She has considered it but is worried if she doesn’t like it she then won’t have her house to go back to. I pointed out she could stay with him on a trial basis, say for a month or even longer while keeping her house in case she decides it’s not going to work but she does not acknowledge that this is an option and does not respond to me saying it (which is common behavior.)

I guess my question is, is her moving at this point even something we should be encouraging? On the one hand I feel like she would be happier being around another person full time (the boyfriend stays the weekend, and I and my sister each see her once a week) and it would be great to have someone to help her with tasks she can no longer manage such as finances. On the other hand, she’s lived in this house for over 40 years and it is comfortable and familiar. Would her moving now lead to a decline because she’d be confused in new surroundings or would the benefit of being around another person full time out weigh that?

Thanks for listening, I am very grateful that this forum exists.

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your Mom’s diagnosis. Sadly, further testing won’t change anything. Dementia is a progressive disease with no cure. I don’t think her moving in with her boyfriend is a good plan. Soon your Mom may need 24/7 care. Is he willing and able to provide that? Can you or another family member do that? You and your siblings should start planning now for what’s ahead. She should no longer live alone. Read the book “The 36 Hour day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Learn all you can. You need to take control of her finances and mail. She could fall victim to scams. Control the phones. Fib if you must. Ie, the phone is broken. Repeat the fib. Come here often for info and support. 💜