Mom Now Living With Us

KW0525

Hello all. I am new here and wanted to give some background on our journey so far. I am looking for any guidance or anyone in a similar stage of life to talk to. I really am struggling mentally and emotionally.

My mom is 81 with late moderate dementia (Vascular and Alzheimers, defined as stage 6f on the FAST scale.) I also have an almost 3 year old son with special needs. I work from home and my husband is a very supportive stay at home dad.

We had sold our previous home to move in with mom to help her. This was very early on before a dementia diagnosis but knowing she needed care and support. This was always meant to be temporary, as my little family of 3 was just sharing one room. We bought a new house particularly that had space for a mother in law Suite, which we had built and paid for. Fast forward, we are now moved in and I see just how much constant care and supervision mom needs. It was different in her home where she often retreated to her bedroom. I'm struggling with balancing work, being a mom, and being a caregiver. Care for myself is completely out the window, and that is just with giving mom help with food and toileting/hygiene needs. She would rather sit and watch TV than have a conversation. I've tried. She's also better with strangers (nurses, my in laws) than with me, my husband, or even my son. We are looking into day programs to help. Times when my husband is not home I struggle but ultimately have ti put my son's needs first.

Just worried as this progresses, as we don't have the means to afford AL or memory care, nor does she qualify for Medicaid, how we can handle things. I have a sister who is completely uninterested in being involved with her, her care, or us.

If you made it this far, thank you for listening. I feel like a lost soul.

H1235

I agree with nopost. See an elder law attorney, or even ask some basic questions here. There are so many people here that have been through the process. If she doesn’t qualify now, is it because she has too much money or a vacation home? Would she qualify if she spent down almost all her money at an assisted living facility? It stinks, but that’s the way it generally needs to be done. Will your state allow Medicaid to cover assisted living? It’s complicated. It’s also a bit scary. You spend almost everything to cover Al in the hopes that when the money is almost gone she will qualify. But will she? An elder law attorney would be helpful.