My mom forgot my name today

cherrytuna

It's been two years in my mom has early onset and it's accelerating quickly. I'm 33 my mom is in her 60s my husband is in the military so I'm taking care of her at a distance. Until medicaid takes overy husband I have been paying out of our own pockets. My mom was my best friend we were close. I call her everyday and I asked her if she knew my name... Radio silence. She apologized but she enjoys my phone calls. She remembers some things about me.... But still it's heartbreaking. I'm a new mom and I'm losing my mom. It feels like a smack in the face. My mom dedicated her life to healing people and this is what she gets. She's not going to see my son grow up. I feel so heartbroken.

ARIL

I am so sorry. You are young, she is young, this is all so awfully hard. I understand. Just this afternoon my dad asked if I ever heard from his daughter. (That would be me.)

May I make a suggestion? Instead of asking her if she knows your name, which may make her feel nervous and embarrassed, just give her the facts up front: “Hi, Mom, it’s (name)!” The word “mom” helps to orient her to the relationship, and your name is a helpful label—one that she is likely to recognize, even if it may be hard for her to pull it up quickly without help.

You can also say, “Let me tell you about my son/daughter, (name)” to help her get used to stories of her grandchild.

The more help you can provide, the better the conversations are likely to go. You will find that testing her is only going to produce anxiety and distress all around.

Wishing you well.

dayn2nite2

I always viewed the asking of names and relationship with the person with dementia (PWD) as unnecessary "tests" that I didn't want to participate in. Even those of us who saw their parents almost daily run into this issue where the PWD cannot remember our names or what exactly our relationship is to them. That's okay and you need to divorce yourself from needing to know that she knows "who" you are. In the big picture, you are someone who is calling to talk to her and cares how she is and what she has to say. The mind can forget, but the heart still knows, even if it can't tell the mind to say it.