Dementia, meds, alcohol

jehjeh

This has taken me a very long time to post and I'm not sure why. Perhaps because I'm disclosing the thing that my DH would most like to keep secret, but I need help.

In addition to dementia, hubby has had multiple health problems, including numerous surgeries which have left him with chronic pain. As a result, his pain specialists have prescribed meds that make the pain bearable but he's not pain free.

The addition of alcohol makes him feel better but increases the confusion. Alcohol use is life long but with dementia, it's just an added layer.

I've seen some posts about caregivers replacing beer and wine with alcohol free versions. Is there anything like that for liquor? He drinks mixed drinks with vodka. I've tried omitting the vodka but he can tell.

Any wisdom from someone who has been there?

BethL

His doctor needs to be part of this. He may need detoxing; detoxing without medical help can be deadly.

harshedbuzz

This is a hard thing to parse.

How much alcohol does he routinely drink and what class of meds is he combining with it? If the meds are opioids, he shouldn't be drinking at all. Even something like gabapentin can be dangerous mixed with alcohol. Ideally a frank talk with his doctor is in order, but you risk them refusing to prescribe if he drinks which would be denying pain relief.

My dad was an alcoholic with dementia. While we weren't balancing pain management needs, we had a lot of the same issues you have. Dad had quick hard whiskey, but he would happily drink a bottle of wine nightly in the middle and early late stages. We failed miserably at swapping out non-alcoholic versions. His brain was damaged— not his taste buds.

The problem specific to vodka is that the primary "flavor" it contributes to the drink is "heat" which is the palates perception of the alcohol. You could more easily use a rum or whiskey extract to flavor his juice. They do sell vodka essence which is meant to mix into a high proof alcohol to sub for vodka. I have no idea how that would work if you added a small undiluted amount.

HB

jehjeh

Thanks for the responses. I'll connect with his doctor though having his meds cut off or decreased has been my concern also. He takes other meds that also come with a warning about alcohol. It's hard enough dealing with the anger of a PWD when they can't have what they want. Add to that the anger of an alcoholic when they are told they have to stop drinking. I've learned to just go along so I can keep my sanity.

housefinch

I agree with above. Do not try this at home. It’s not safe without very clear medical advice and supervision. He may need to be admitted to a medical unit for detox and to avoid him having alcohol withdrawal. Once he is medically stable, he may need to be transferred directly to a geriatric psychiatric inpatient unit where he can have his behavior managed until he is safe to be discharged home or to memory care. This situation sounds pretty complicated and likely more common than you think. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You deserve to live without that fear and stress.

Gator1976

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72947/dementia-meds-alcohol

alcohol is the first thing our doctor told us to have LO stop using.

Goodlife2025

Everyone here has given you sound advice and given the complicated medical history best handled by a professional. So first, I am glad you are looking into it with the doctor… BUT I will add my DW is an alcoholic who primarily drinks the clear liquor, gin. I have been able to substantially water down the bottle(s) with success. As soon as the first drink has been taken out of the bottle I begin adding shots of water when she is out of view and ear shot. I never fill the bottle completely back up but I do manage to get it very diluted without her feeling she is missing the taste. It requires some diligence on my part but I am aware of every purchase made so checking the status of her bottle is part of my kitchen routine for now. Two positives - she buys a lot less liquor because the bottles last so much longer and with the memory of Alz. she doesn't remember when she last went to the liquor store. And a few months ago she mentioned to me one day that Alzheimer's must be changing her brain in one good way because when she drinks now she notices she doesn't get that buzzed any more. I took this as one of those rare wins. Hope you are able to find a solution that works for you both. 🤔

easy23

Alcohol made my husband's dementia so much worse. I couldn't get him to stop drinking so I put him in MC for 5 weeks. Once he was sober, I could see that I could manage him at home. I brought him home and refused to go to the liquor store for him (he doesn't drive). He has been sober since September 2020.

Belle60

I have the same issue but DH is not on pain meds. I tried to dilute his wine but eventually he noticed I guess I went too far. I also tried the non alcoholic version but eventually he noticed that too and refused to drink it. I was also replacing his wine with the non alcoholic version-pouring out the alcoholic wine and replacing it with non alcoholic version so the label is the alcoholic version. But it is very difficult to do since I am never alone in the house-he is always right there. He will sometimes ask me if he can have a drink and I will recommend no but he gets angry and an argument starts. Even one of his caregivers tried to stop his lunchtime drinking and he got angry at her. He really doesn't think he drinks that much.

It is very frustrating because I know how bad it is for him. Not sure where to go from here. After an argument last night he said he would try to do better but that may last a couple of days and we are back where we started.

PlentyQuiet

Yes, talk to the professionals.

I swapped out for NA liquor with DH. But he also loves dark beer and guiness makes a NA version that I always pour into a glass for him.

The best thing I did was to create a cocktail with it that also had some bitters. We then had it as "our" drink for a month or so. It was NA vodka, cherry juice and chocolate bitters. I gave a square of chocolate as a side. Very fancy 😊

But, DH was only a moderate social drinker. He loved the evening cocktail ritual before supper though

Sandi Roe

I’m just a constant nag😜my LO always had a few beers then a cocktail at night. He is stage 3-4 Alzheimer’s diagnosed and I try to explain to him how it changes his personality and actions so much. Of course then he says I think he’s an alcoholic and the argument is on😏I’m weary of the whole mess. Now I tell him he can’t have a drink if he didn’t have lunch, which he often does. The “use to be’s” are just that…. It use to be different 😒so I just trudge along waiting for the next boot to fall, because we all know it’s never a shoe… and life goes on… and on… and on🤦‍♀️our doctor said stop trying to explain to him because that’s the disease, he doesn’t know he has it.

smn4646

My DW (age 70, diagnosed over 5 years ago with early onset ALZ) still thinks she is drinking. I replaced wine with white grape juice for her Sav Blanc and red grape juice for her cab. She likes them both. I also buy NA booze from a company called Free Spirits online. I mix it with juice for a before dinner cocktail. She actually watches me make it and comments on how good it is. Her ALZ stage has made this trick possible. I don't think she reads the labels on the booze correctly as it says alcohol free. On Friday nights I still take her to our favorite restaurant and they make her favorite Blood Orange martini as a mocktail. She loves that as well. For her wine with dinner the owner who we know dilutes her Sav Blanc with water. So she basically has a half glass of white wine on Friday night. This is the only alcohol she has which is substantially down from a cocktail before dinner and a glass of wine with dinner each night. When we have guests at our house I serve her the same non-alcohol drinks. I have to keep an eye on her to make sure I offer her the next one when she finishes. Otherwise she will serve herself and get into the real stuff. It takes some effort but prior to doing this she would over drink which was dangerous with her meds. She had always been a light drinker but with her ALZ she had no idea that she was consuming way to much if her drinking was not supervised. Plus if I tried to stop her from having more she would become argumentative. After a night a couple of years ago when she was almost passing out from the amount she drank I knew I had to make changes. Now it is just part of what I have to do so that we can still socialize with friends.