Resentful and Losing patience

Cate2024

Truth, my DH and I had problems and about 10 years ago I asked him to leave and we moved to separate bedrooms. I became complacent, we shared the household expenses and eventually became friends and occasional travelling companions. I'd ask him to leave occasionally, he would say no, and that was it. No one with the exception of my sister knew what was going on. Two years after retirement, he was diagnosed. All my dreams of selling my house (it was our second marriage) and moving to the country could not happen. My only support for his care, his brother, dissolved when the brother moved away abruptly. So I became the primary care person for a person who was basically only a friend. Am I resentful? Youbetya! Since last year he has suffered from Capgras Syndrome, so he believes his wife has gone away and I have been hired as his caregiver. But I have some respite care, and a small cottage in the country where I escape each week for some refuge. Many times, I wish I had insisted he move out 10 years ago, instead of procrastinating. I'm all he has and I feel a sense of "duty" because everyone thought we had a happy marriage. You can't make this stuff up. I would say to anyone struggling, "Don't be so hard on yourself!" Find moments for yourself.

Russinator

(((HUGS)))

mrahope

I absolutely feel you. We were married for 43 years. He became more and more angry and occasionally threw things at me before going into MC about a year ago. After he went there, I found that he had been chronically unfaithful and had mistreated our children in ways I didn't know about. Had I known about these things, I'm almost certain I would have been out the door. I'm having lots of difficulty coming to terms with what I know now, but it's happening slowly. And yes, everyone thought we had a happy marriage, too…including me… With him out of the house I can concentrate on rebuilding myself and my life. I hope you can reach this place, too. Just know that your resentment is quite normal, IMHO.

BPS

My wife had an affair that I thought had ended several years before she was diagnosed but after her diagnoses 9 years ago I found out that she was still in contact with him. I wanted to leave but I stayed to protect my kids from having to deal with this disease. N one knew or knows about what happened. She has been in MC for a year now and I still resent that she took what I thought was a happy marriage and threw it away and now I am not able to completely rebuild my life because of her Alzheimers. I wake up many nights with thought of what was and what is.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242373#Comment_242373

That’s a really tough one to deal with I’m sure. No words of wisdom here just wanted to say I’m sorry you have that to deal with also.