how do you return to the MCF after an outing?

l7pla1w2

DW has been in MC for four weeks. I've contemplated taking her out of the facility for some activities, like going to a restaurant or a park or the zoo. But I can't figure out how I would get her to return willingly to the facility. Every time I visit, she talks about wanting to go home.

Seeking advice and insights…

BPS

In my case my wife went to MC believing it was for therapy. I told her that they were not going to do any therapy that day so we could go out but that she would come back there for therapy the next day. When I took her back she didn't remember what I had said and asked why we were there and I told her the same thing again and she was Okay with it. I don't know it that works very often but my wife had just had a stoke so I could blame everything on that.

SDianeL

Maybe don’t take her to eat and take her back at mealtime. Tell her you’re going back for lunch. Have them deliver her lunch and you sneak out while she’s eating. PS: When you visit, don’t say goodbye if that triggers her to say she wants to go home.

l7pla1w2

DW is (otherwise) healthy, so I didn't use the "rehab" ruse to get her to MC. Instead I said we were going away for a few days, which is how I got her to pack some clothes. Telling her that a doctor wants her to go to the MCF for some reason or other won't work. ("What doctor?" "What for?" "Why didn't the doctor talk to me?")

DW doesn't need a trigger to say she wants to go home. She apparently spends part of each day collecting her things in preparation for going home. When I visit, she talks a lot about going home. I don't say goodbye when I leave; I just disappear one way or another.

A woman whose husband had been at the same MCF advised against my taking DW out of the facility at all because of the difficulty she had getting him to go back in.

harshedbuzz

It's unfortunate that's your DW's presentation of dementia is such that an outing would not be a treat for the pair of but rather a trigger that will upset you both. Perhaps in time, she'll settle in, and you can enjoy dinner out or a walk at the zoo. Perhaps not. It's probably too early to tell. By the time dad was in MC for 6 weeks he considered it "home", but he was probably further along in his progression than your DW is.

HB

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243068#Comment_243068

Thanks for that. I guess some people settle in and some never do. I'll just have to wait.

harshedbuzz

@l7pla1w2

I think the odds favor adjustment. Most PWD do eventually settle and adjust to their new home. The only person I recall who went a couple years packing to go home was M1's partner who had an unusually independent personality going into the disease. I don't recall anyone else who struggled with this long term.

There's a small Italian restaurant near where dad lived that routinely has PWD and their spouses or adult children dining. It's within a 2-mile drive of 4 MCFs and a SNF; some nights DH and I are the only ones there who aren't coming from a facility so I'm guessing my observation about most PWD adapting is correct.

HB