Move DW from Assisted Living to Memory Care

curtcarl

My DW was diagnosed with ALZ Dementia 5-6 years ago. She is now stage 6. We moved into an IL apartment 2+ years ago and just "upgraded" to AL. She has no episodic memory left and because of chronic pain and long-time mobility issues requires constant attention. She is often confused about where she is and who I am, but sometimes almost cogent and loving, other times belligerent. I am exhausted and have decided - with the concurrence of our daughter and the head of nursing - that she is ready for Memory Care. We can move her in soon, and I can stay in our original apartment in the same building. I'm struggling with how to make the move once her new apartment is ready and would love to hear any suggestions.

SDianeL

sorry you are at this point but it’s best for her care. I would not tell her about the move until the day of. Then make up a fib. Something like the doctor said she needs rehab and needs to stay where there are more people. Don’t tell her it’s permanent. After she moves if she asks to come “home” just repeat the same fib. Make sure they have a meal or treat ready for her at memory care to distract her when she arrives. I know this is hard. Sending hugs. 💜

Gator1976

This move is in my future too. Please keep us informed on how it goes, what worked vs didn’t work and any advise you can share. Thank You

Jo124c

My DH is probably late stage 5 and is often very unhappy at home; he imagines if he leaves he can move somewhere and get a job and car. I've been looking for Memory Care options for a while and I've found a place that I feel will work for him. I have been extremely depressed and tired and I believe, have been in denial about how impaired he really is, but I now feel I have finally accepted that he will be happier in memory care with others to relate to and organized activities to keep him occupied. I think he is bored at home because he no longer can do any of the things he once enjoyed. His short term memory is down to seconds. I have felt less depressed since making the decision to move him, probably in a couple of months, but I do feel guilty and saddened by what is happening. Thanks for listening> I appreciate what is being shared here.

l7pla1w2

I posted my experiences along this line recently. Search for "I moved DW to memory care (part 1)" and "… (part 2)".

I do not feel guilty, because I know I had to move her for her own good and mine, but I do feel immensely sad at what she has become. Dementia is a cruel thief.