Just wondering

wose

My Dh struggles with anxiety, anger and apathy. As you know, the neurologist appt. was a bust and I don’t trust his pcp. So I’ll have to start with finding a new pcp which is a challenge and start all over again. It’s been 3 years since the “official” DX and I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere. The goofy neurologist has him on 5 mg lexapro and 5 mg aricept patch. He’s probably stage - late 5-. I’m struggling so much, his friend from IN is coming in on Thurs and staying until Sun. So I’m off… somewhere…. My question is ..Do you think this will be enough time for his friend to see what I see? His friend does not believe me. Would it be possible to showtime for that long? I’m afraid to find out….Thx💜

SDianeL

I would make a list of his behaviors to show to his friend. I would not let your DH see the list though. Ask his friend to read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and you could then discuss it. Some people don’t believe it because they don’t want to. They are in denial. They hope it’s not true. I doubt your DH could showtime for that long but the disease is so unpredictable. Glad you’re getting some respite time.

wose

@SDianeL Thank you so much. Good idea about the list and you’re right about not wanting to know. They’ve known each other since 5th grade.💕💜

Bridge4

I read somewhere that the brain requires an enormous amount of energy to function, and that more than half of our daily calories are used to keep it running. Due to this, dementia patients can only “Showtime” for a few hours because it is exhausting for them to try to follow conversations and guard against saying the wrong thing. I agree it would be a good idea to discreetly prep his childhood friend, and that he will almost certainly observe what you see and hear will have a new appreciation for your caregiver role.

harshedbuzz

@wose

Enjoy the respite. FWIW, I found this stage of dementia the most challenging for our family. Dad could still showtime like there was an Oscar in his future with people who didn't see him daily while lavishing mom and I with the 3-As— anxiety, agitation and anger. Dark days indeed.

The professional you want is a geriatric psychiatrist. They're the experts at the intersection of dementia and psychoactive medication management. Full. Stop.

While dad could showtime, especially in the middle stages, as he approached stage 6 his ability to sustain it tanked. Even in his final months, he could put on an almost normal demeanor for his doctors and brother's 45-minute drive-by visits.

I used to visit my parents, leaving DH and DH behind, every 4-6 weeks when they were at their beach house 4 hours away. He was probably around where your dad is now. I'd roll in around 9pm on Friday and leave Sunday. Dad could showtime for a couple hours the first night but by Saturday afternoon he was spent. (He was not diagnosed yet, I had suspicions, but mom was in denial and obstructing it) By Saturday night he was aggressively obnoxious as he couldn't fake it beyond that. As time passed, the beast that is dementia would surface earlier and earlier.

My parents had long term friends as neighbors there. When the other shoe dropped, it did so spectacularly. Mom's sister died and we drove to MA for the funeral and were gone a week. I had advised against this, offering to drive her to the airport and stay with dad, but she wanted a girls' trip. The friends agreed to keep an eye on things (if only because dad was in his 80s) and invited dad for dinner. The first night was like old times, he was edgy the second and by third he was off-the-rails. They'd both been through dementia with their respective moms and immediately knew the score. By the time mom got home, he was in a psychotic episode during which he'd trashed the house hallucinating and seeing people in all the windows and glass-framed art in the house which he removed and smashed. When mom got home the first thing he told her was that he'd killed a man whose body was in the garage. Hopefully, your dad won't have such an extreme reaction, but you might get called home early.

In terms of meds, dad's geri psych had him on a cocktail of 2 SSRIs and an atypical antipsychotic which did tamp down the anxiety, agitation, and aggression which made him more responsive to Validation and other non-pharmaceutical strategies of behavior management. His geri psych did add Wellbutrin to address the apathy but it didn't help that at all. It did seem to curb his craving for alcohol, so we continued it. YMMV.

Good luck.
HB

midge333

Wose: I don't think your DH can showtime for very long and his friend will see the full array of symptoms in 3-4 days. I agree you need to find a geriatric psychiatrist. Good luck and enjoy your respite.

wose

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243579#Comment_243579

Thank you so much. You are an angel with all your thoughtful explanations. We are lucky to have you.