What stage for MC?

annie51

I’d like some insight as to what stage your LO was in when they were moved to MC. Is it usually when they’re in Stage 6 or 7? I feel like it’s too early for me to think about (except for a plan B) but sometimes I wonder if he’d be happier there then just here with me. He’s not wandering and he’s not violent (although he does get verbally abusive, and it is forgotten as quickly as it comes). He’s in Stage 6 now. I know there is no cut and dry answer but just curious as to the experience of others on this forum.

Timmyd

I was told by PCP to start looking. I am not sure when or if DW will need memory care, but it seems best if you have your choices in place before you end up in crisis mode. You want to be shopping and familiar with all the details of MC options before you need them, not after.

My DW is in early stage 6 and I am starting to imagine placement. From having been around here for a few years, I would say anywhere from 5 to 7 is when people get placed.

On a related note, the memory care business is rather persistent. Even if you are "just looking" these people will pester you with endless phone calls, texts, and emails. Not a big deal given everything else we deal with. Just be prepared.

ARIL

My LO entered MC at maybe late stage 5. Now at late stage 6. All along, there have been other residents at the same facility who seemed to be at both earlier and later stages.

SDianeL

it’s not so much the stage as it is the behavior or your ability to care for them. Many place their LO if they become agitated or aggressive so medications can be managed. Others it’s when they become incontinent or bedridden. I had no choice but to place my DH due to my aggressive cancer diagnosis. So don’t wait to develop a plan and choose a facility. You can get on a waiting list if they don’t have a bed available. You never know how the disease will progress. Best to be prepared.

harshedbuzz

@annie51

The appropriate time for MC can be anytime the PWD is not safe living alone, hence the Plan B which should be crafted as soon as the PWD gets their diagnosis.

It's not always so much about when the PWD or the caregiver needs a MCF, but when a MCF might be better for one or both of them.

My childless widowed aunt went into a MCF in late stage 4 when her sister obtained guardianship. She'd been quite isolated living on a remote peninsula 15 miles from town. She positively blossomed with socialization, regular nutritious meals and activities to the deal she had a bump in cognitive function and spent most of her time with the AL residents.

My dad went to MC at the very end of stage 6. He'd been very resistant to and uncooperative about hygiene, eating drinking (yes to alcohol, no to anything else), meds, exercise/PT at home. This led to my mom neglecting her own needs and him not getting a decent quality of care. She placed him because of murder-suicide ideation, but found placement resulted in him getting the care he deserved. It also allowed her to be the doting wife rather than the angry enforcer. Alas, she didn't move him when first suggested as it turns out she was feeling hopeless and neglected her own health. Long story short— she lost the vision in one eye and can no longer drive. Her stage 8 is not as she envisioned and frankly, neither is mine.

The other factor in deciding "when?" is that most MCFs, even if they tout "aging-in-place" have a policy that requires residents to be ambulatory and self-feeding on admission to the community. This practice balances the workload for staff. That means that a stroke or fracture that results in the need for a wheelchair takes memory care off the table— the PWD would have to go into the care of a SNF. SNFs tend to mean no dementia programming, shared rooms, and an out-of-pocket cost that is considerably higher.

HB

l7pla1w2

I think I've seen two morsels of advice on this discussion group:

1. If you're already wondering whether your LO should be in MC, chances are the answer is "Yes".
2. Some caregivers realize after the fact that they should have moved their LO to MC sooner.

There's no one correct answer, and you have to go with your gut. I placed DW six weeks ago. She's still having trouble adjusting and always asks to go home. Meanwhile, my stress level has dropped a lot, and I know she's being cared for by professionals 24x7 and she's safe.