Behavior changes

jsmale

my 63 yo husband was diagnosed appx 1 year ago with early onset Alzheimer’s. Question…when I notice a change in his behavior should I point it out to him (when he acts in a different of aggressive way)? Also he has picked up a new habit…humming! Is that “normal”?

trottingalong

No, don’t point it out to him, it will just escalate the situation. Others here are much better than me explaining how to deal with different situations.

Chris20cm

Some of the ways we interact with our LOs will result in establishing which responses to their unusual behavior or words are the best for both. We have a hard time navigating the differences in communication and relationship participation as we expect what has gone before over the years or decades. The fact is, mentally the dementia sufferer is not the same person. We have to get to know the new person, and reestablish a workable system of functioning and communicating. We learn, for example, with most Alzheimer's sufferers, it's counterproductive to tell them they aren't making sense, or they have just asked the same question fifteen times. Even if we make the point effectively, they are likely to forget in minutes, or even in seconds.

So much trial and error. So many mistakes. So much ambiguous loss and grief. We have to consider every day and every interaction a learning opportunity, is what I have finally concluded after ten years of 24/7 caregiving.

jsmale

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243892#Comment_243892

thank you so much 🩷

charley0419

dementia can often seem like they are in denial.

They may not think they need help.

Even though it looks like denial, it's not.

When this is happening, it's something called anosognosia. It means "lack of awareness."

Their brain is literally not able to understand that they have a problem.

This means that no matter how much evidence you give them...

No matter who much convincing you try to do...

No matter how much you try to prove to them...

None of that works.

It just makes you more frustrated.

It must makes the person with dementia more upset.

It's important to understand that the person with dementia is not able to gain the understanding and awareness of their deficits. Pushing for them to understand is like continually urging someone who is blind to look at the picture in the wall. You can try all day long, but they will never see the picture.

The most important thing to do when the person has anosognosia (hint: if you think they are in denial, then they likely have this condition) is to remind yourself that they are NOT doing it on purpose.

In fact, the more you believe they are doing it on purpose, the more frustrated you become. It's not a good thing to keep thinking. It does nothing to help your situation.

Belle60

No I learned early in my husband's disease to just let some of that go. At one point, he even asked me to point out when he is repeating himself but when I did he got angry at me. So I learned to ignore alot of the behaviors unless he is doing something unsafe. Communication is a challenge and I have learned to look the other way when he wants to wear winter gloves and hat in 80 degree weather. I stopped worrying about what others think as well when we are out in public. Church is becoming a little more challenging especially during communion so I am not sure how long we will be able to attend. Someone on here said something that I always keep in mind. You have to live within the 4 corners of their world.

jsmale

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243898#Comment_243898

thanks! That’s very helpful

sandwichone123

Not only did I learn not to point out when my dh was having trouble, I also learned to offer support in ways that he would not notice—demonstrating so he could mirror (rather than explaining), or preparing bite-sized pieces in the kitchen rather than cutting up his food at the table.

SDianeL

if he’s being aggressive, talk to his doctor about anti-anxiety medication. Yes, humming can be a behavior of dementia patients. It may be caused by anxiety. Many repetitive behaviors may emerge. My husband chattered constantly when he was anxious. Some pick their skin. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis.

jsmale

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243952#Comment_243952

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/243952#Comment_243952

that’s good to know…I’ve known him for 45 years and he’s NEVER hummed. Not overly aggressive at this point but am definitely keeping an eye out.