Expected but still hurts

upstateAnn

AD has its moments. The first time it tore a hole in my heart was when I realized my husband had no memory of how we met or our wedding. Today, another big hurt came. We sat down to dinner and my husband looked me in a confused fusion. “Where is my wife? ” he asked. So hard sometimes.

sandwichone123

Ann, I'm so sorry to hear that. You can take comfort that he still seeks his wife, although I do recognize that it's cold comfort when you are right there.

l7pla1w2

Been there, felt that. DW has looked at me and said, "I haven't seen [my name] in a long time. I wonder what he's doing." At other times she wasn't sure whether we were married. But even in MC, she knows I'm someone important to her, even if she doesn't know how.

As for memory, she has none. She was a university professor for 30 years, yet she doesn't remember that, doesn't remember her specialty, doesn't remember where she worked, doesn't remember where she went to school,… She doesn't remember anything about us. She just doesn't remember. It's heartbreaking to have such a high achiever become such a different person.

SDianeL

someone here posted that these things would be like gut punches. So true. So sorry. Hugs. 💜

Karen711

no words, heartbreaking, sending you a hug!!

Biggles

It’s so very heartbreaking. I remember hearing Nancy Reagan saying her Ronnie was astounded to learn that he had been President of The United States. I didn’t understand, now I do. So sad.

Biggles

upstateAnn

thank you so much for the kindness. My DH will be entering memory care soon. I will be sorting out a new routine and life really….

A. Marie

Greetings and sympathy from another Upstater, upstateAnn. I well remember what a punch to the solar plexus it was when my DH (who died 2 years ago) said the same thing to me.

Kat63

The first time they don’t know you are their spouse is scary. The changes to that point I felt like we could handle, but the not knowing me as his wife scared me. Still remember that day which now is over 4 years ago. So sad when this happens. Sending hugs to you.

CindyBum

Oh man. Talk about perspective. I am currently really struggling with the shadowing and constant complaints I get from my spouse about how I don't spend time with her. I am stuck on the damn couch with her watching stupid tv shows for 12 hours a damn day with breaks only to feed her and help her. I actually thought earlier today how nice it would be if she didn't remember who I was, so I could get some of my life back. But, I think that's delusion on my part and it will be a major gut punch when she no longer knows who I am. Dementia sucks.

l7pla1w2

Even if DW didn't remember specifically who you are, she would still know you're important to her. She would probably still shadow you and want you to sit with her to watch TV, because you give her comfort and security.

And, yes, dementia sucks.

Gator1976

doses showing them pictures of them and you together help? Or does it just bring up more questions as to why we were pictured together?

Russinator

((HUGS))

upstateAnn

We do all that……. This disease is inexorable.

Arrowhead

My wife forgot who I was early on. Sometimes it made a difference, sometimes it did not. She asked, "Do you own this place?", and "How many people live here?" Once, while engaging in a "marital activity" she said that we should get married. Once she told me that she was a virgin and another time that she was an angel. She referred to me once as her brother and another time as a friend. Photos didn't seem to help any. Once I showed her a picture of myself with my three siblings. She identified all of them but could not identify me. Our four children became "friends." In the end, all you can do is to roll with the punches.