Long time home

JM27

Hello,

So I finally got my father house situated and it will go up for sale this coming week. It took a village to go thru things and get it cleaned out but Thankfully I had help.

Now it seems this week he is on a loop of needing to go home and how he does nothing here. (He is unaware of things that are happening in the background as I am told he will understand and they will only confuse and angry him more). He is unaware anything is wrong and has moderate to late stage Alzheimer’s. Everyday it’s another story of I need to go home my house is empty and I can’t leave it this long and on and on.

I feel horrible about having to now make decisions for him.

The decision was tough but has been a longtime coming. My father was living alone for some time and I had tried to convince him to downsize and move closer. He was in a whole other state and continuously refused. He has always been an unhappy grumpy man.

My sibling agrees we are doing the right thing and we are doing what we have to for my father.

He lives here with me and my family in my home as we didn’t feel MC was a right fit at this time.

I know I’m doing what’s right for safety and well being it just kills me that I couldn’t give he what he wants and that to be in his own home.

Anonymousjpl123

you are absolutely doing the right thing. Your father is so lucky to have you. Grumpy and difficult people are never easy and dementia doesn’t make it easier! Try to remember that the disease is what has made it impossible for him to live alone, not you or your family.

I would just tell him things that make him the leasT upset, they call them “giblets” here. His house is unsafe, they have blocked it off temporarily, he’s only there to help you out, whatever works. I’m sure others have better ones. But you get the idea. It’s good you’re keeping the background info in the background. Distractions are also key. My mom loved going out for lunch and ice cream and that helped a lot. Hang in there, and post here as much as you need to. We’ve all been there.

JM27

Hi,

Thank you for the support and shares. Greatly appreciated. It’s very help to know others are unfortunately going thru similar situations.

SDianeL

For people with dementia, home is a feeling not a place. Wanting to go home is caused by anxiety caused by the dementia. Fib to him. Tell him the power is off due to a storm and he can go home when it comes back on. Or the roof is being repaired, etc. you will have to repeat the fib every day and maybe multiple times a day. Fib, then redirect or offer a treat to change the subject. He may not even remember his house so don’t feel guilty. You are doing the right thing. 💜