Private Pay One on One in addition at Memory Care Facility

lflook

Hello,

My 86 year old mom had a stroke and massive heart attack almost 7 years ago. She survived, but now has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's (Alzheimer's started prior to stroke). She was at a memory care facility that was horrible. We moved her to this new place in February and love it. The staff is very caring and trained. My dad is in a different wing of the same facility dealing with health issues. My mom is declining and is becoming more and more confused. She is on a continual loop of saying "I can't do this anymore. I'm going to run away. Nobody cares." We try to manage this the best we can. She is now trying to escape the building when she gets agitated. She, in fact, got out 3 times last week and has been getting quite combative when directed back into the building. She also pulled the fire alarm. The administrators came to talk with me and said I needed to hire a private one-one-one caregiver from 8AM-8PM until this behavior resolves. They said it could take anywhere from 1-4 weeks. This is going to be a huge financial burden on top of the thousands we are already spending for the care at the facility. My husband and I have been taking shifts to decrease this burden, but it is a lot to manage.

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever been through this. We are using the home health care company we had used just after Mom's stroke/heart attack to help us staff these hours but they can't always fill everything from 8-8. Luckily, I'm a teacher and "off" for the summer…but I seriously don't know how long I can keep taking shifts. I'm embarrassed to say that I feel like I am losing my mind. With the worry of finances and time spent at the facility…I can't keep up :(

Is this something that happens? Is there anywhere I can contact for financial support? Everyone I've talked to says this sounds very odd. I just want the best for my mom. But I want all this to be fair as well.

Any thoughts?

Thank you!!!

psg712

Can your mom's doctor provide any medication to help with her anxiety and agitation? What does administration mean when they say her behavior will take 1-4 weeks to resolve? If you provide a caregiver from 8 AM-8PM, how do they plan to handle the nighttime hours?

Is she in memory care? It sounds as if she needs to be in a locked facility, not one where she has the opportunity to escape. Yes, there are situations in which private help may be required, but most memory care facilities should be equipped to handle the type of behavior your mom is exhibiting. If they have a higher level of care available at your mom's facility, perhaps they should be looking into that. Your family can't sustain the current arrangement of taking shifts to provide one on one care, nor be expected to pay for private duty on top of the facility fees. Something has to change. I hope that others here have experiences to help you!

easy23

I had to stay with my DH from 8am-8pm while he was at a sub-acute rehab recently. I then paid for nighttime aides from 8pm-8am for a month. It was exhausting and expensive. I was so stressed that my mouth broke out in canker sores and I couldn't eat anything but ice cream. I was so tired that when I came home I just went straight to bed and slept until 7am. I feel for you and agree that maybe your memory care facility can provide a higher level of care. Also, aren't the doors locked so that residents can't "escape?" Meds also may help.

AmandaF

Just my experience - my mom was like this for a while and the facility recommended trying an anti-anxiety med called Buspirone. It helped a lot.

towhee

Requiring a private caregiver usually happens because of behavior, most often trying leave the facility, and fall risk. Someone getting out and getting hurt is a huge liability for the facility. The facility my LO was at had a policy that if someone actually made it out, they got a 30 day notice to leave and they had to have private caregivers for the rest of their stay. My LO never made it out but we still had to have private care from noon till 8 pm. They tried to use medication but it affected her physically to the point of harm. The facility only had alarms, not locks. It was not secure enough. We gave up after two months and moved my LO.

If they are telling you they think wanting to leave will only last 1 to 4 weeks, they must be trying medication. That does work with many people. I would find out. There is no way otherwise to predict how long the "eloping" behavior will last.