Loneliness of caregiving

akc783

Does anyone else struggle with loneliness as a caregiver? I am single with no children and the principal caregiver for my mom. She is in an independent living facility (for now- she is borderline mild/moderate using the 4 stage model). It’s getting harder to connect with her like I used to and I have nobody else in my life who I am close to. I go to work and people are friendly but distant. I come home to an gempty house, and I can’t date or even put time into friendships because weekends require me to support my mom.

MimiDIL

Not being pushy, but if you are open to going to a church, investigate if any churches around you have a program called Alpha. It’s designed for people at all levels: atheist, agnostic, questioning, faithful…it doesn’t matter. It’s designed for people to come together in community and ask the hard questions. It’s not an evangelistic program to convert you. But it is designed to build a support community. You are put in table groups with a table leader. You stay in that group for the 10 weeks of the course. There’s a meal beforehand, a video, and discussion. You can go through the course multiple times. My daughter participated in it while she was in college, then found an Alpha group in her new town since she knew zero people there. Again, just a thought. Not trying to cram anything down your throat.

akc783

Thank you for your suggestion but I am a church goer and going to a different Church isn’t something I am willing or even able to do.

SDianeL

Welcome. Sorry about your Mom. Yes, loneliness is very common for caregivers. Even those with families. Many friends and family members stop coming around for many reasons. Some AL facilities have support groups. Ask to speak to their Social Worker. I know how you feel. I lost my husband to Alzheimer’s last August. My sister was diagnosed with Dementia about 2014. We were so close and I can’t talk to her. It’s heart breaking. Keep looking for support groups and ways to connect with others. I’m trying to do the same. The Alzheimer’s Org used to have a virtual support group. You can call the toll free number at the top of the page and see if they have any in person groups in your area. Try to take time for yourself so you can help your Mom. 💜

akc783

Unfortunately I have found that, at least in my area, support groups do not exist for people who work during the day. And my mom is not in AL yet so there is no social worker at her facility. Besides, I have spoken to social workers in the past for other issues and I have not found them helpful. A virtual support group would be good if it met in the evening.

2014 was a long time ago. How is your sister doing now?

lisn2cats

I hear you! My mom is 90 and, until a recent thing, has been extremely negative about inhome help and even more negative about assisted living. Between her emotional ups and downs, anxiety and depression, constant emails and calls, etc., I haven't been able to connect with my friends (who don't really want to hear me talk about my mom's issues all the time) and I, too, am an only child and my dad recently passed. We have very few distant relatives and I don't have a significant other. There are times I feel like I'm in a bubble. I was lucky that the social worker working with us has been incredibly wonderful and lets me ramble and blubber.

While talking casually to a coworker and, at a different time, a former colleague, I found both had been in my situation with their mothers. Since then, they've become my support people and a great sounding board. I hope that you're able to find someone with whom you can rant, cry, and share.

And, of course, there's always here! I've found so much warmth and encouragement from the different forum threads.

JulietteBee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73239/loneliness-of-caregiving

Sadly, you can be lonely even in a crowd. I have become an only child with a parent with Dementia. She has not told anyone about her diagnosis. In trying to preserve her privacy, I have only told two of her siblings and one of her close friends. My husband and adult child are aware of her condition, but I do not want to burden them with all my caregiver woes. Her siblings call her daily, which is admirable. I wish they would/could make themselves more available to check in on ME.

Check with your county's Office of Aging and Disabilities in regards to virtual support group meetings. You may even find friendships and emotional support by joining a gym and taking their classes. Also, if you are in the US, your library is an often overlooked resource. They offer classes that you could register for.