THE DAY SHE COULDN’T DRAW A CLOCK

SDianeL

I read this today and it touched me greatly. THE DAY SHE COULDN'T DRAW A CLOCK
“From the memoir-in-progress by Michael J. Whelan

The technician handed Rebecca a piece of paper and gave her what should have been a simple task.

“Draw a clock,” he said gently. “Put the numbers where they belong, just like a regular clock face.”

That was it. That was the entire request.

Twelve numbers in a circle.
Something every child learns before kindergarten.
Something she had done a thousand times in her life—without thinking.

But she looked at the paper like it had betrayed her. Like the page itself had turned on her. Her brow tightened. Her hand trembled. And then she looked over at me, her eyes pleading, confused, terrified.

Help me please, she said without speaking.

I wanted to reach across the table and erase the whole moment from existence. I wanted to tell the technician to forget it, to skip this part, to let her keep whatever dignity she had left. But I didn’t move. I sat there frozen, hoping—praying—this was just a fluke.

She lowered her head and began to draw.

What followed was a nightmare I hadn’t prepared for.

She scratched a jagged circle, wobbly and lopsided. Then, hesitantly, she placed a “12” at the bottom of the page. Not the top. Next came a “3” somewhere on the left. A “6” floated above that. A “9” was squeezed into a corner like it didn’t want to be seen. The rest of the numbers were missing. Or written over each other. Or reversed. Some were upside down. Some weren’t even numbers at all.

She didn’t even attempt the hands.

It was chaos.

It wasn’t a clock.

It was heartbreak in ink.

And I swear to God, I felt something inside me die.

I remember the woman who once planned our entire year on a kitchen calendar by memory. The woman who balanced our budget in her head. The woman who could tell time not just by the hour, but by the light outside our window. My golf partner who could keep my score without a scorecard.

Now… she couldn’t remember where the numbers go on a clock.

And what made it worse—what made it unbearable—was how hard she was trying. Her lips moved silently, counting something. Her fingers tapped the table like she was summoning a memory just out of reach.

I could see the war inside her.
She was losing.
And she knew it.

Then I made it worse.

I told her to focus. I told her she knew this. That it was easy. That she could do it if she just concentrated.

Her face crumpled. Her eyes welled up.

And then she cried.

Because it wasn’t just a test. It wasn’t just a clock.
It was a mirror. And in that moment, she saw what was slipping away.

And I—her husband, her protector, her caregiver—became the one who pushed too hard. I let my fear become a fist. Not against her—but against the helplessness. The disease. The grief.

But she was the one who got hit.

I held her afterward. Whispered apologies. Promised I’d do better. Promised I’d be softer.

She forgave me, like she always does.
But I haven’t forgiven myself.

Because this is what these diseases do. They steal the mind. Then the memories. Then the person.
And along the way, they break the hearts of the ones who are left watching.

I will keep trying.
I will learn to whisper when I want to shout.
I will hold her even as time tries to take her from me.

Because even if she forgets how to place the hours…
I will never forget a single moment of who she is.

Not for one second.
Not ever.”

Biggles

My tears are flowing you have touched a place in my heart ❤️ that is so deep, I feel your love for your DW, II feel my love for my DH whom I cherish and will go on cherishing until the end.
I had an experience like that with my DH and our Occupational Therapist the question was take 3 away from 100 then take 3 away again and then again etc, (he had already struggled to draw a cube) the extraordinary pain of trying for me, on my DH’s face was unbearable and I called a stop to anymore tests ever.

charley0419

I’ve been through this it’s heartbreaking, my wife ran a business for 30 yrs now that test upsets her every visit to Nurologist

Gator1976

very moving, thank you so much for sharing. We are in stage 4 going to 5. My LW has never drawn a clock and after reading this never will.

Mint

Thank you

midge333

Thanks for sharing.

trottingalong

I’m speechless. I was there in that room while reading this, something we can all relate to. Thank you for sharing.

annie51

I can relate to this so well. One of the first symptoms I noticed in my DH was his struggle with telling time. So when his PCP had him draw the clock and I saw what he wrote, my heart sank. The beginning of a long road…

jehjeh

Heartbreaking, and so familiar. Thank you for sharing.

Bluebird

My DH was a graphic designer. When he was first tested, he drew a detailed grandfather’s clock. Now 3 years later he can still correctly draw the face of a clock but he can no longer draw a grandfather’s clock. I dread the day when he can no longer draw a clock face.

Timmyd

I also had the opportunity to witness DW fail the clock test and remember just willing her to "try harder". It was that moment in course of the journey when you can no longer deny the seriousness of the situation. I felt sick afterwards.

I have always liked to doodle. These days I am always picking some random time of day and drawing the clock to match that time.

Lilydaisy

That simple task does seem like another defining moment. Also the 3 words to memorize and repeat back later. For me she had moved into another world.

We see some of this lapse at home, but it somehow seems magnified in front of the neurologist. I felt the same sadness when it happened.

Mary2025

I was with my husband this past week for his neurologist appt. I was internally upset when he couldn’t answer some simple questions. Forgot the 3 words given in the beginning. Also on the clock he made hands the same size. It didn’t matter to him.

RetiredTeacher

I cried reading your post, my heart aching. So many of us feel the same way... My husband doesn't want any more tests, physical or cognitive. He has multiple health issues and VD. He doesn't want to go to the neurologist, he's done. Let nature take its course...Yes, a cruel part of nature for sure but I get how he feels. We're on palliative care now I guess until it's time for hospice. There's no reason I would subject my DH to any more tests or procedures.....there's no point. We try to make the best of each day we have....such as it is.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73300/the-day-she-couldn-t-draw-a-clock

You expressed this so beautifully. Just a year ago I sat and watched my DH try to draw a clock. As I recall he gave up in frustration and moved onto the next part of the test. I knew that his mental capacity had diminished but I still believed that with a little help he could pass the test.

I have watched his decline they last year. There are so many things he could do a year ago that he can not do now. This really is the long goodbye.