Missing my mom

thirdsister

I think my mom has dementia, but she's in denial. I've had concerns for the past 3-4 years, but she won't get assessed. I resigned myself to the fact that there would likely be some sort of crisis and hoped that she would be open to help then. The crisis happened in February when she attempted suicide by overdosing on Ativan. She survived the attempt, but refused the recommended mental health treatment. She then vehemently denied that it was a suicide attempt and tried to reframe it as a medication error. When attempting to help her with medication management, she called the police on me. I've had to step away from the relationship since, but am missing Mom and want to try to reconnect. I'm looking for advice on how to go about that. I want to proceed with realistic expectations. I also want to protect myself.

SusanB-dil

Hi thirdsister - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Who has POA and HIPAA accesses for mom? If she doesn't have any of that set up, you may have to go for guardianship. It is more involved, of course, and you should check with a CLEC (elder law attorney). Document everything you can about the situation and circumstances.

If there is not health access on file, you can still tell her doc your concerns. They are just not allowed to reply back to you.

Most of our LO have anosognosia. This is not denial, but rather, the perception that nothing is wrong. It is what they perceive as their reality.

I'm sorry you are dealing with 'this'. It really sucks. Lots of support and understanding here, though.

H1235

If another crisis happens insist on a mental health evaluation. Tell them you believe she is a harm to herself or others, that she is not safe in her home. I’m shocked that she would just be sent home after something like that. But I guess our health care isn’t what it should be. As far as reconnecting with her, I don’t know what to say. The anosognosia makes the person with dementia believe there is nothing wrong with them. They don’t want to admit things are difficult for them and often blame others. My mom is stage 4 or maybe 5 and I’m pretty sure I will never have a normal relationship with her again. She blames me for everything, I can do nothing right. My point is, it might be time to focus more on her safety and wellbeing than the relationship (sorry I know that’s hard to hear). As Susan suggested I would see a lawyer about guardianship. Getting her diagnosed and the care she needs will cause a lot of anger! Do you want to have a relationship with her and just stand by while she is in trouble or get her the help she needs and accept she will be mad about it (because she has dementia and can’t think clearly). There are medications that can help tone down the anger. I have attached a staging tool you may find helpful. There are no easy options with dementia. Good luck.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf