I’m Scared and Alone

kiki_bird74

My dad was diagnosed with MD about a year ago. When mom was alive (she passed from cancer about 3 years ago) she was already saying dad was headed down this path although he wasn’t diagnosed. I saw it too. I noticed dad was getting worse a little bit at a time. But still, at least I thought, was doing pretty well.
A week ago we decided to come up to our summer place. He’s very familiar with this place. But something changed. His whole demeanor is different. He’s easily confused. He’s unable to problem solve. Although there have been some bathroom accidents at home, it was workable. But he has had many accidents up here of both types. His balance is very off. It’s just a lot of things all the sudden and all at once. He can’t seem to dress himself. His appetite has diminished.
I’m his daughter and I am here every step of the way but I’m scared. I have no other family to help. And I work full time as a teacher. Injustice don’t know what to do. I need help. Furthermore, in July having my 4th back surgery. Who will take care of him? Who will make sure he’s doing what he should to stay safe. How am I going to take care of him when I’m in the hospital? I really could use some help…

akc783

I don’t know if you are a religious person, and I apologize if this is unwanted, but I am going to pray for you and I invite everyone who reads this to do the same.

From a practical standpoint, I recommend asking his doctor for suggestions. I have found my mom’s doctor had more ideas for available resources than I knew existed.

SDianeL

so sorry about your Dad. You are at the right place for help and support. He should no longer be living alone. Do you have DPOA and HIPPA forms? If not it’s going to be difficult to help him. Does he qualify for Medicaid? I would speak to an Elder Care Attorney immediately. You may need to place him in MC until you recover from surgery. Medicare doesn’t pay for MC. You may need to postpone your surgery until you get him placed. I would call his doctor and ask if they gave a Case Manager or Social Worker who can help. Is he a Veteran? If so the VA may help. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. You can also call the toll free number for the Alzheimer’s Org listed at the top of the home page. Please keep us posted. 💜

kiki_bird74

thank you! I do have poa. He is 78 and has private insurance plus Medicare. I see my neurologist on July 1 for myself but I’m asking to speak to her about my dad. I appreciate what you told me. Thank you very much! I know he won’t want to go to MC as he doesn’t think it’s that bad. I tried typing everything that has happened so I can tell my dr who is also his doctor.
I appreciate the feedback!!!

harshedbuzz

@kiki_bird74

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but pleased you found this place.

From your description of confusion and double incontinence, it's very likely your dad has progressed into later stage dementia. His inability to problem solve suggests that being left alone is no longer safe for him. If he lives with you, you'll likely need a caregiver coming to the house or a day program once you start back to work.

Before that, it seems like the only safe option is to hire 24/7 care in the home or have him do a respite stay in a MCF. A respite placement will take some time to arrange— you'll need to tour and decide on a suitable place, then assuming they do respite and have a room, there's paperwork, an assessment by their DON and likely a PCP appointment and testing ahead of moving in. You'll probably need to frame placement as a stay in some way other than trying to reason with him. Perhaps you're having the sewer line replaced while you're in the hospital so he'll need to stay at a nice senior hotel.

Good luck with all this.
HB