Assisted Living vs. Memory Care

Alania

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 8 years ago. She is now 69 and is around stage 4/5. She is still living in independent living as her boyfriend visits almost daily and takes her to her doctor appointments and gets her out of her room for walks or lunch. I handle all of her finances, groceries and personal stuff. Her boyfriend was recently in the hospital and she hasn't seen him for a week (my husband just had surgery, so I haven't been able to go over either). Today, a friend of hers called to say she was talking about suicide and how unhappy she is and doesn't want to live like this.

She has always suffered with depression and wouldn't take medication for it, she now says she will take medication, but what's the point she's going to die soon. She still takes walks every day with her dogs, but otherwise, won't leave her room for fear of people thinking she's dumb or not being able to follow conversations. She also is not sleeping well, scared a lot and can't remember if things happened or if she dreamt them.

My sister wants her to come move closer to her as she only works part time and has older kids who could visit more often. My mom purposely moved to the facility she is currently in, so she could be close to her boyfriend (she's known him since elementary school but they reconnected years ago) and it would kill her to move. However, it sounds like he might have cancer and won't be able to visit much due to treatments and his daughter being here taking care of him.

I also just found out that place she is living, just got rid of their memory care unit and only have assisted living. My options right now are:

Have her move closer to my sister where she can have a lot more visits from family and transition from AL to MC at the same place

Keep her where she is and move her to assisted living with extra help from a caregiver

Let her stay where she is and move her to assisted living and when it's time for memory care, move her closer to my sister.

Any suggestions or similar issues that you solved? I'm scared she's not ready for MC, but she isn't leaving her room, only eating the food I buy for her in her room and is depressed just sitting around doing nothing.

Quilting brings calm

I think stage 4 going into stage 5 with the symptoms you describe is not a good time to be moving into an AL only environment. Because she won’t be able to settle in soon enough to be allowed to stay all that long. People who moved in before they got this far might be allowed to stay deeper into dementia because they’ve settled in and acclimated to the staff and environment.

I do think that moving into a combined AL/MC will be a good fit. I don’t think she should stay in independent living because she’s not independent. Her boyfriend cannot be expected to take care of her because he needs taken care of himself.

Alania

Thank you. I reached out to her current residence to ask if she could sign up for assisted living and stay where she is (in her own room) and then we'll move her to memory care by my sister when the time comes.

The hard part is that she still walks her dogs daily, calls family and friends, just came home from a cruise with one of her friends. She's young, so no fall risk or needs with bathing or clothes. Just so embarrassed that she can't follow fast talking conversations she's become a hermit. My sister is here now to see if we can also hire a helper to do her medications, and take her to meals to force her to get out and talk to people.

JulietteBee

That is the stage my DM appears to be in as well.

I moved her into an IL facility last September.

Left to my mom, she'd probably never leave her apartment either. However, I do not give her that option.

I find out what activities are being done each day & put thoae I know she will enjoy, in a scheduled txt msg for her to receive 7:30A, every weekday. At the end of the day, she now proudly tells me what she did, where she went, and even spills some of the tea.😂

Do not underestimate the value of those dogs. They give her the reason to go outside, get exercise, get fresh air, and even the reason to live. Moving her into AL, I FEAR would rob her of all that and she may then choose to lay in bed, curled up in the fetal position, all day.