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I’m not sure why, but all of a sudden I find myself angry at my husband. I snap at him when he asks me the same thing over and over. When he was diagnosed with ALZ I was able to stay calm and compassionate. Now I feel like I’m falling apart. Has anyone else experienced this. He’s in the early stages so he’s not even bad yet.

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  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 281
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    As he changes so will you. some things won't bother you much but then for no real reason all of a sudden it will really push your buttons, then later it will not bother you as much again. You can try to always be patient but sometimes all our patients is gone. Just keep doing the best you can.

  • Chris20cm
    Chris20cm Member Posts: 51
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    We shouldn't beat ourselves up when we get frustrated and impatient, but we do. We see new problems and unexplainable behavior changes that don't make sense to us, and we think we should be able to fix or assuage these issues; the repetition, Deja vu, confusing fears or thoughts with reality, it's all so unpredictable. We have to be vigilant, and "meet them where they are" as the saying goes. All we can do is keep trying different things and be willing to accept the unacceptable; try to solve the unsolvable, and forgive the unforgivable. DW is in stage 6 but is better than expected physically. That's a blessing.

  • Cardenas1816
    Cardenas1816 Member Posts: 14
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    I think we all, as caregivers, go through this same struggle. I do like others have mentioned and silently scream/ cry in the shower. I have found it helpful to talk with a therapist regularly. I also journal which helps.

  • CaliforniaGirl-1
    CaliforniaGirl-1 Member Posts: 150
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    Make sure you are taking time away to take care of yourself. You need to be taking regular breaks . Get whatever help you can and if you can find a support group or someone to talk to it will help.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,023
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    I think those really rough times have made me a better person. I’ve had days I couldn’t even manage a simple smile for the cashier at the grocery store. I found myself being that grumpy person. I recall times in the past I’ve seen people that have been grumpy and unable to smile with considerably less compassion than I should have given them. I no longer think, would it hurt them to just smile.

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 259
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    I understand and feel exactly the same way. I try to be patient, but I too get angry and impatient and snap at my DW.

  • Lgb35
    Lgb35 Member Posts: 147
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    do you find journaling helpful in releasing the anger? I find I am irritated with the never ending questions. DH is still working yet at home it is non-stop questions. How is he still working? Sometimes he tells me he isn’t talking to me because I am mean. Or he asks why I’m grumpy all the time. I feel bad

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 281
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    I Journal on my lap and it helps me get my feeling out and somewhat organized. Then a day or two later I go back and read what I wrote and usually delete part of it because putting it down helped me in the moment but a lot of times it is not something that I would want anyone to read later. I do leave a lot of my experiences and feeling that someone my read some day. I am sure if I went back read it again there are things that I would say different but I haven't ever gone back to read older things.

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 834
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    You're not alone. We are only human. The other day I snapped at DH too. It was so silly. Over which COVID vaccine and booster we took. He kept arguing it wasn't what we took and started to blame his condition on the vaccines. I finally snapped and yelled "why are you arguing with me? what's the point?" I felt good (release of pent up frustration) and bad (losing my cool) afterwards. What an emotional roller coaster.

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 281
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    nystateofmind 

    I am also very private, but I have said things here that I have not said to anybody else, and everyone is going through their own stuff, but the experience here has been helpful. I think it may be the anonymity and shared issues that has made it easier to open up. I still don't post a lot, but I read every day.

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 146
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    Besides all the built-up frustration, fatigue and so on that others have mentioned, I think that when I snap at my DH it is often that the burden of always having to bite my tongue and stuff feelings just reaches a boiling over point. Apologize, remind your loved one that you love him, forgive yourself. You are only a human trying.

  • tboard
    tboard Member Posts: 116
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    Living with someone who has Alzheimer's is a huge adjustment that makes us all a little angry. In my case I feel cheated. Those dreams of retiring one day and traveling together are gone. Even going to our favorite hotel for a day or two is our past and not our future. Give yourself time to adjust. You have been dealt a major blow.

  • NMF
    NMF Member Posts: 4
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    I was just reading the posts about being a private person. I am starting to think I am private to my own detriment at this point. I find it almost fearful to post.. I typically come here to read for a sense of reassurance and not to feel alone, but I’ve never felt so alone in all of my life. My newly diagnosed DH seems to have lost all emotion… can go an entire day without saying anything at all. He gets hyper focused on a task that must happen - he has lost all flexibility and reason- I’m exhausted and feel alone.. I completely understand the frustration. this is only the beginning-what delineates transitioning from one stage to the next? I suppose these are all questions for the neurologist for our next visit-

  • Lilydaisy
    Lilydaisy Member Posts: 53
    Sixth Anniversary 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments
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    We stopped being perfect the moment we were born. As much as we all would like to be perfect caregivers, we can't do it. I suspect even professional caregivers have some of these moments. So relax, keep doing what feels right, and feel good when you handle something well. There are lots of those moments for all of us but we miss them because we want perfection.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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