Taking Away Driving Privileges

Cardenas1816

My DH (57) was diagnosed a little over a year ago with EOAD. He’s not quite in stage 4 yet, and still drives only to places in a 5 mile radius of home. And only to places that he goes regularly like the grocery store and they gym. I know that eventually he will have to stop driving but I dread that because he feels that’s the only freedom he has left. My question is is when and how did any of you approach taking driving privileges away?

H1235

Some here have said that insurance coverage may be a problem if there is a dementia diagnosis in the medical records. It might be worth looking into. Driving is not just about not getting lost or remembering traffic laws, response time is very important as well.

For us the doctor said no driving! I found this took the blame off family. She was not happy about it and of course thought it was ridiculous that she couldn’t drive, but she complied without too much trouble. I don’t think driving was ever that important to her. Very early on you might be able to explain and reason with him about why he can’t drive. If you get any resistance at all I would stop trying to reason with him. That is the number one rule. There is NO reasoning with someone with dementia! Most with dementia have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It makes everything very difficult. Many here suggest disabling the car or taking it in for “repairs”. This often requires repeating the story over and over that they are waiting for part. If you search driving on this site you will come up with a lot of posts with opinions and strategies. It’s a hot topic.

dayn2nite2

You need to consider if you can financially absorb the damages and possible criminal charges above your insurance coverage if, because his cognitive issues and motor skills have been affected, he presses the accelerator instead of the brake pedal when he goes to the grocery store or the gym.

His impairment and driving ability could be seen as "drunk driving" by the law. How would you feel if people were injured or killed because he was still operating a deadly weapon on the road?

Stopping him from driving becomes a financial and practical necessity, and his anger/upset is a secondary concern.

ARIL

The doctor provided our route to no driving, and my LO was responsive to that (easier than most people, to judge by the posts on this forum). My LO quit driving in earlier stages when reasoning was more feasible and the idea that someone else might get hurt was strong inducement to quit.

But a stepparent was a different story. Disabling or removing the car was the only solution there. And one of the stepsiblings kept repairing the car, even after delusions and hallucinations began. Scary and dangerous.

So: authority figures can help (doctors, insurance companies, law enforcement). But removing access to a vehicle—keys, or the car itself—is the only sure solution.

This is a very popular topic on the forum. Search “driving.” Good luck. It’s great to think this through early, before a crisis.

CMC62

It was a process with my husband. Initially, when he was in the MCI stage, I talked to him about driving only close to home and places where he was very used to driving. He was fine with that. Then he had a close call, almost in an accident, and when he told me about that I thought he should give up driving. We talked about it but he was unwilling to say he would no longer drive, but in practice that's just what we did. I just drove everywhere. We sold his vehicle, he had been driving mine most of the time anyway so I just told him we would share mine. Having only 1 vehicle made it easier to keep him from driving at all. Now, he's in early dementia, and agrees he can no longer drive, but he has not driven in almost 2 years already.

Kat63

I think it comes down to you and your relationship, as to whether you want to handle telling him it’s time to stop driving or you have the doctor help. I told my husband after I knew I was worried about him driving even just doing errands near our home. It was the hardest thing to do but had to be done. My husband was upset with me for most of that day. Late that day I sat beside him and held his hand and told him how much I loved him and would only do this because it was absolutely what had to happen to keep him safe. He was okay from that point on. Of course that was years back when he still knew I was his wife, and before his official diagnosis.

Gator1976

As many have said. You need to stop letting him drive period. You are risking loosing everything you own if he causes or is even in an accident. Please heed the advice.

Cranddi

In early stage 4, my wife's Neurologist placed an order for her to take an occupational safety drivers test (in a simulator) after I informed him that she was having trouble navigating unfamiliar routes. She failed miserably. The results showed that her cognitive impairment was effecting her reaction time to unusual events (like a driver cutting her off, or a child stepping into the street). Normal reaction time should be fractions of a second, hers were many seconds (4-5). The evaluation report stated, "MUST CEASE DRIVING IMMEDIATELY". This made the Occupational Therapist the bad guy. It was still a difficult process to get her to accept it, but it directed her anger away from the Neurologist and me.

SDianeL

the Neuro-Psychologist who tested my DH advised me that he should no longer be driving. She said it was a matter of time before he hit another car or a person. She said that if he were in an accident, even if he wasn’t at fault, with a diagnosis in his medical records, we could be sued and lose everything. I sat my DH down and told him what she said. The next day he handed me the keys and I told him I would now be his chauffeur.

JulietteBee

I used the ever increasing insurance premium as the primary reason. At that point it was almost $2400 to have basic coverage on a 2011 car. They were seriously using her age against her.

Unfortunately, as she went back & forth thinking on that, my DH had to tell her that she could lose everything or go to jail if she hit a pedestrian.

At that point she was driving less than 35 mph, hunched over the steering wheel due to visual problems, and was observed stopping in the middle lane to turn left at a light.

It is a tough talk to have but hopefully you can tap into their empathy if you can not reason with logic. Most of our LOs would not choose to continue driving if told you are afraid they may kill someone.

Mom complained a few times of loss of independence bur thankfully it was short lived.

cavenson

I discovered ALZConnected about two years ago. Long-time members on the site strongly advised that PWD should no longer be driving, and I was at a loss as to how to accomplish this. Here’s my driving story. My 85-year-old DH at stage 4 is a car guy. When I discussed giving up driving with him, he became more adamant. He even stated that since he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he has become a more careful driver—in spite of three red-light tickets this year. He also has mobility problems and would drive with the right foot on the gas and the left on the brake, using cruise control even in traffic. I was a nervous wreck when he drove, but he would become angry when I tried to stop him. The majority of his outings were driving in his SUV to a garage and taking his classic 50s car for some exercise. Disabling his car would not have worked. Just a couple of months ago when the battery on the SUV died, he was able on his own to call AAA and buy a new one.

His geriatric psychiatrist told me he would submit a customer medical report to DMV if I completed the top portion, which I did. At his next appointment with the neurologist, the doctor suggested we contact Capital Driver Rehab for an assessment. However, within the next few days DH received an Official Notice of Suspension from DMV, which required a satisfactory medical report addressing cognitive and physical medical conditions with a deadline of June 5, or his license would be automatically revoked. DH was very angry, and I dreaded what could come next. Fortunately, it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated—at least after a couple of weeks.

It has been 3 weeks since his license was revoked, and he has not driven. My stress level is down. Two of his children have taken him for rides in the classic car—letting DH drive it out of the garage for them—which fortunately is about 6 miles from our home, so he couldn't get there on his own. DH agreed to sell his SUV, which we did before the June 5 deadline. He’s constantly giving me advice when I’m driving, but I don’t mind. I bought him a mobility scooter that he likes. We live in a 55+ condo neighborhood, and he can now ride around and visit with neighbors; which because of his mobility problems, he couldn’t do before. I need to be creative and come up with opportunities for him to get out. While his children and a couple of friends have volunteered to help, they don’t always show up. I know the calvary isn’t coming. Wish me luck!

Also, just because a PWD does not have a driver’s license, we shouldn’t let our guard down. I know families related to the following two stories—one a very tragic one. A wife stopped to briefly run into the store and left PWD in the car with the engine running. When she returned to the car, it was gone. PWD got on I-85 in NC going the wrong way and ran into a car killing the driver. The other incident happened near our home. A couple was returning from a trip with another couple and PWD was left in the car while they were putting suitcases in the house. PWD got into the driver’s seat and drove the car into a backyard swimming pool—no one hurt in this one, but the car was damaged beyond repair.

Lgb35

this is a hot topic for me as well. DH is 61 and still working. I have had sidebar conversations with our primary, neurologist, psychiatric neurologist about his driving. The neurologist had the best conversation with him about driving but still didn’t say stop. My DH thinks he will know when it’s time to stop driving and she adamantly said no you won’t. At this point none of the doctors are saying he can’t or shouldn’t but “there will be a time”.

I am extremely worried about the liability of him driving. As the doctor told him aside from the liability how would feel if he injured or killed somebody. I know people on this site say they should stop which if we were retired then it would be an easier transition but when you’re both too young for retirement and still working it changes things.

we are still trying to get a solid diagnosis. His atrophy seems localized around his left temporal lobe. Alzheimer’s has been ruled out. I think we are leaning towards semantic variant FTD. If I had a solid diagnosis I would be pushing social security disability. My DH said you can’t give me a solid diagnosis so how do I blow up my whole life.

It’s a difficult topic,

PJ52

My therapist has suggested sitting down now with my husband and agreeing at what point he will stop driving. You can find a list of warning signs on line. The problem is, he has always been a poky driver and annoying to everyone who rides with him. So he has always displayed several of the warning signs, even from a young age. He is in the MCI stage, but people who know of his diagnosis, yet don’t see him on a regular basis, are always surprised he’s still driving. Which I find annoying. I’m constantly assessing his driving and still feel quite safe riding with him. As someone else said, many people with AD are still working. And with more and more diagnoses at the early stage, in people who are still independent and working (even physicians), how will liability in case of an accident be determined? It’s a complex situation.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73375/taking-away-driving-privileges

I faced that problem before DH was diagnosed. What finally convinced him to give up his license was my argument about saving money on auto insurance.

pjswiftwater

My DH was told back in 2020 to limit the driving, he's always been a driver and motorcycle rider. I let him drive as long as I could but it probably was too long as there were red flags. He got very aggressive on the road, driving up behind slower vehicles with high beams and horn and finger, always using cruise control, driving without brakes, mysterious dents and undercarriage damage, finally totally his truck when a car pulled out in front of him, not his fault but possibly was avoidable. He hasn't driven for almost a year now and still fumes about it even though I remind him that five neurologists recommended he not drive and the liability concerns if there was an accident. I am the bad guy because I took away his license. Whenever we drive he closes his eyes and won't talk. We have a visit to the neurologist next week and hopefully I will have her put something in writing to maybe soften his anger towards me, probably won't help. I only hope that eventually he'll soften a little but the last year has been a nightmare.

weareallunique

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/246778#Comment_246778

re: "If I had a solid diagnosis I would be pushing social security disability. My DH said you can’t give me a solid diagnosis so how do I blow up my whole life. "

But his behaviors and abilities are impaired, yes? Only an autopsy is solid with these diseases .

SSDI isn't instant, neither is getting medicare coverage when on it - took 2 years to qualify when on SSDI [ don't know if changed in latest congressional actions] .

Does your husband have disability -family leave coverage where he works? You don't want to lose these options - they may be documenting him out of the job and then he may not even get unemployment.

Really suggest you talk. to a disability /employment rights lawyer NOW to see about him going on short term disability , family leave , long term — repeating — you don't want to lose ANY benefits.

This may sound cold but you've said you've been on this journey for five plus years. You really shouldn't be depending on your husband's judgement to make the call on working, and driving.

It is scary and lonely but the CG partner needs to be the Captain. Judgement is impacted and your LO could have Anosognosia.

The diseases are progressive and there are no cures , please don't add a legal and furthur financial damages to the situation.

RetiredTeacher

After my husband's stroke his reaction time and cognitive processing were very slow and his spatial awareness was impacted. He could still comprehend what I said and I told him it was no longer safe for him to drive. His memory is much better than his reaction time. I told him I would drive him anywhere he wanted to go, any time he wanted to go but it was no longer safe for him to drive any more. I am thankful he understood he would not be able to react quickly to a dynamic environment encountered when driving. I am thankful he never tried to drive again. If he did, I would have hidden the keys.

Russinator

In this department I was very lucky. Six months before my DW was diagnosed with MCI she caused and accident that totaled both mid sized SUVs. Luckily the injuries were only to her and very minor. After they let her come home from the hospital she refused to drive and let her DL expire. A few of her friends blamed me, saying that, after her accident I refused to buy her another car, which, was totally untrue. I was very glad that she realized something was wrong and gave up driving all on her own.