Sister w Alzheimer's wanting to take control of everything

JoanEK

My sister who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's is determined to re-take control of her finances, among other things. Neuro-psychological testing has shown she is incapable of doing so. She can't even write a check. Prior to diagnosis and testing, she had a year of not paying bills, having power or phone shut off repeatedly, and recklessly spending money on frivolous purchases. Currently her power of attorney, who is also an accountant, is doing an excellent job of managing her finances. She is currently limited to a debit card with a small amount of money in the account. About a week ago, she became adamant about controlling all her money, and now wants access to her investment account which contains the majority of her funds. Obviously, we're not giving it to her. Also wants to "fire" her in-home aides and her neurologist, refusing further testing, saying her other doctors all say she doesn't have dementia. How long does this phase of needing to re-take control last?

H1235

Too long! But them progression isn’t good either. I’m glad she has a DPOA managing everything, that’s a big step. If she is anything like my mom she is probably angry and miserable that she can not have control. Have you considered medication to help calm her down a bit? If she is on medication should/ could the dose be increased? I have attached a staging tool, but I’m don’t think that will really give you an answer ( maybe a rough idea).

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

JoanEK

I'm sorry my post was too long, and your second sentence makes no sense. This has discouraged. me from participating here.

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247135#Comment_247135

Your post was not too long. Sorry I wasn’t very clear. You asked how long this will last. When I said them (should be then) progression isn’t good either. I mean that moving past this stage will mean a further progression of the dementia and will probably bring other difficult symptoms and obviously that is not a good thing.

JulietteBee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73422/sister-w-alzheimers-wanting-to-take-control-of-everything

I am sorry you initially misunderstood @H1235's post. She has clarified, so I hope you have not left the group out of disgust.

As she said, that phase is long, "too long." My mom seemed to be on that kick for about 1.5 years. Interestingly enough, I just commented that I don't miss that phase.

However, I never thought that its cessation meant that she has transitioned further along in her disease progression.💔

Literally every other day she was saying she needs to be given her passwords in case anything happened to me. That request always ended in an argument between the 2 of us.

I am her DPOA. Previously I had saved some minor pws in a password vault and showed her how to access them. Within the same day as the tutorial, she forgot the ONE pw required to open the vault or found the necessary steps confusing.

She insisted on "paper works best." I allowed her to write some down. Within days, she lost the entire notebook. That required me resetting all the pws listed in the book.

Sometimes she would try logging on secretly, to show me she could do it. She couldn't and kept getting locked out of her accounts. That required her telling me she was locked out and needing to reset passwords.

As I said, it was 1.5 years of her begging and crying for her passwords and to regain her independence. It has now been since this February and she no longer asks for her pws or for me to log her in so she can "check my bank balances."

It is long and painful period of time but sadly, they seem to forget and move on. As far as your sister, whenever next she brings up the topic, distract and/or tell her you will help her with it, "tomorrow."

JoanEK

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247140#Comment_247140

I misunderstood what you wrote, but now I understand! Thanks for your thoughts.

towhee

Welcome JoanEK. I am sorry your first experience here was not what you would like. The amount of time between post and response can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. The tone of this discussion board is friendly and supportive although sometimes blunt, so if a response seems strange it is unlikely to be on purpose. The board does have some technical issues, one of which is posting links to info. Sometimes it turns into what looks like gibberish. For the Dementia Behavior Assesment Tool (DBAT) which is what the previous poster was trying to reference try this site -

Tools for assessing dementia progression — Tam Cummings, PhD

As to your question of how long the behavior will last- The length of time varies. Where this behavior is really problematic is when they want control back and still have the ability to reach out to a lawyer (often with the assistance of a family member who is not on board) and get the POA changed or revoked. It has happened. It sounds as if she might be past that.

Sometimes when there is a sudden behavior change it can be linked to a medical issue. Any changes in medication, no matter how small can have an effect. Infections, especially an UTI, or other medical issues can cause changes in behavior. When my mom got a bee sting it turned her angry for several days. So usually the first thing to do is get an appt with her PCP. Sometimes an environmental change can set things off, a different caregiver, or repairman in the home, or even a TV show. Medication can help, and sometimes changing your approach added to the meds can help. You might look into a youtube channel called Dementia Careblazers.

If you post on the "Caring for a Parent" discussion you will get more responses, this area does not get much traffic.

JoanEK

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247166#Comment_247166

Your description of the password issue is exactly what's been happening with my sister over the past year. That is good advice to distract her or defer it to another day. I've just recently read about the power of distraction with Alzheimer's patients and have been trying that technique pretty successfully with her. I've been stressed, though, about how to talk about the financial situation with her, but you've helped me realize I can simply use distraction or delay. She's not going to understand or remember the situation, even if I did explain it to her. Thanks so much for your advice.

JulietteBee

You are most welcome! I am glad my experience with my mom can help you with your sister. That is what I love about this group. We are all on the same journey. What I learn through my own experience, or from others further along, can always be shared with those coming behind. Hugs!🫂