Nobody can be relied on. Nobody.

akc783

The doctor’s office dropped the ball… again… in a way that made things so much harder. Long story short, the way my mom found out she has to give up driving was by getting a letter from the state. No breaking it to her gently.

I am finally learning that when caring for someone with this disease there is literally NOBODY that I can rely on. Nobody.

JulietteBee

I am so sorry for your disappointment.

May I ask what your desired response from the DMV or PCP was?

I asked b3cause when I broached the subject with our pcp about my DM not being safe on the road, he categorically declined to report her. He said that it would not end well and he would lose his patient's trust.

Once he contacted the DMV, the DMV could do one of two things. They could request that my mom come in to do a driving test OR they could straight up rat out the PCP by informing mom that they were told that she has an impairment which requires her DL be revoked.

I had to wait over a year until she became receptive to the fact that with her newly impaired vision & new OFFICIAL diagnosis of Dementia, she could kill someone.💔

akc783

Well, here is the long story:

We had the test done by the OT, who sent the results to the NP. Weeks went by and I heard nothing from the NP regarding their decision.

So finally I called the NP to inquire. At first, the staff member who spoke to me, had no idea who I was because she said they hadn’t gotten the results yet. Then I told her that I had received them and so I could send them to her. Then she realized who I actually was, and said they had made a decision to have the state pull her license and that if we wanted we could make an appointment for the doctor to tell her instead of us. That appointment was scheduled for the day after tomorrow.

low and behold, she gets the letter from the state today.

so to answer your question the response I expected was for them to actually call us and inform us in a timely manner so that we could control how she received the news. Instead, they sat on it for weeks until I finally called them, meanwhile, they had already sent the letter to the state without informing us.

JulietteBee

Ooh, I understand and I am so sorry. That was certainly not done correctly. The doctor's office definitely should have made an appointment to give her the news BEFORE they even submitted the request to the DMV. 💔

harshedbuzz

@akc783

I'm so sorry this happened.

This kind of thing is why mom's geri psych is the only medical professional that doesn't use an e-chart. This helps me know what's going on between visits so I can anticpate this sort of thing. If this is available to you, it would make sense to sign up.

HB

ESkayP

Emotionally speaking, I have been where you are before. You're in the middle of a battle for information that involves bureaucratic offices, medical offices, sometimes law offices, your family, your loved one, and yourself. You call and leave messages then wait and wait to hear back. You have to talk to new people and repeat the same back story over and over. You explain how you need/want the situation to be resolved, but no one is listening. Then sometimes, you get someone who is taking notes or repeating back to you what you said, or even returns your call. You think you've gotten somewhere and finally feel like you're making things better. Then someone drops the ball. Any pacing towards progress, any delicate strategy dealing with your loved one all goes out the window! It's happened to me more than once. I understand completely where you're coming from. You said there is nobody you can rely on, but that's not true. You've got YOU to rely on. You will continue to face your share of defeats, but there will also be successes, no matter how small. You're going to get stronger, wiser, and amazingly resilient. You've got a long journey ahead. I'm still struggling day to day with my mother. She's been in MC for nearly three years, and I just got the runaround from her medical team and a hospice provider. I can't say the feeling of betrayal from the system will go away, but your emotional and informational toolbox becomes full of options for you to get back in control. Now whenever something goes awry, I research and learn something more. I also come here! ALZ Connected is incredibly empowering. Your greatest asset is a community of folks who have been at various stages of caring for their loved ones and are managing the frustration and heartache of this terrible disease. You're not alone.