CELA question for those who have consulted

RetiredTeacher

I am going to make an appt with a CELA soon eventhough we had our trust redone 6 months ago. I need to know answers about shielding assets in the event a MCF is needed in the future. I dont know if this is possible or if Medi-Cal is an option or if it even helps pay for sine MC costs. My question for all of you is: should I go alone or take DH with me. He has VD from strokes but his memory is pretty good, mostly slow processing and executive function defecits. He does know he has some difficulties after his stroke but he dies not verbally admit he has dementia or that his health will be declining. He refuses to go to the dr and we don't discuss "our future". My son thinks hubby should be there to hear my questions and lawyers response. I believe it will only upset him. It will be info overload and he will not contribute to the conversation. I believe it will likely make him even more depressed.

Those of you who have gone to a CELA, did you go as a couple or alone? If you went as a couple, how did your spouse handle or deal with the information? I appreciate your input. TY in advance.

Timmyd

One year after DW's EO diagnosis, we went to the estate attorney together. There was no ALZ specific conversations during the in person meeting. I had exchanged emails prior letting the attorney know the details of our situation. Each of our forms were pretty similar so it went pretty good. The attorney was sensitive to the circumstances. We were able to make DW feel involved, avoided directly mentioning ALZ, and still ensure the essentials were covered.

Three years later, I had the CELA consultation alone. It was my judgement that she was in no condition to contribute to the discussion and she would forget anything discussed. The CELA consultation got into low level details of how different options for positioning assets affect eligibility for medicaid and related "look back".

Has your DH been part of discussions about memory care before? The CELA consultation does not seem like a good place for DH to hear you discuss his MC placement for the first time. My advice is to trust your gut on this. If you do not believe he will contribute the the conversation and could possibly interfere with you getting maximum value, then I don't see the point in bringing him.

Maybe ask the CELA if you can record / transcribe the consultation. Then you and your son can review it later and maybe both agree on some key points that you should share with DH.

Bailey's Mom

I met with the CELA by myself initially and communicated with her after that via email. She prepared all of the documents…DPOA's, Living wills, Last will and testaments, HIPPA, etc and we had another meeting for signing documents which my HWD attended and signed his parts without issue . The CELA was very good at explaining everything to him and he seemed to trust her…we did not address medicaid, or MC facilities during that meeting other than when it was referred to in the documents. That has been about 8 months ago, and I'm glad we took care of it then because I don't think he would understand at all now and the CELA would be reluctant to have him sign the documents without guardianship. I think discussing MC facilities or medicaid paid nursing homes would have been very upsetting to him and of no value. He has anosognosia and would not understand a discussion that addressed dementia. Your DH might be in better shape mentally, so that may not be the case in your situation. Good luck, it is a complicated and delicate situation.

harshedbuzz

@RetiredTeacher

With all due respect, your son is delusional. Your gut is spot on.

This visit about the realities of the future would be hard to hear as a PWD. Given his anosognosia, talk of a scenario when you might "put him away" would feel as if he's being gaslit. Aside from potential to upset your DH into a major depression or fury that might require transport to the ED for a geri-psych stay, participation by your DH could draw the time needed out. CELAs often charge by the hour; you risk paying for additional time or not having sufficient time to get your questions answered and having to schedule another meeting.

I'd bring another adult; preferably one who has your back 100%.
HB

BPS

If he doesn't acknowledge that his health will decline, I think that talking about what to do when it declines would be stressful for him and needing extra time to prosses the information may also stress him. For me the first meeting was to get information not to make big decisions and if I was worried that the discussion was causing stress I would not have felt as free to ask some questions. I still have not gone back and started any actions to protect assets because there are down sides to it as well, but I am glad that I went and got the basic information that I needed.

RetiredTeacher

Thank you to all who responded. I appreciate your candor and sharing your experiences. I am going to go alone as I am only seeking info at this point. I'd prefer to keep him at home if possible instead of MC. When he gets worse he should qualify for catastrophic disability through the VA that would provide some in home support. I dont want this awful disease to wipe out all we've worked decades to achieve. My main concern is medi-Cal eligibility questions. Since it's info only, he doesn't need to be part of that discussion. Ty again.… so much to navigate and figure out. I want to be as prepared as I can for what lies ahead. I am so thankful I found this forum, it is such a lifeline for caregivers. Ty all and prayers for your journeys

Bluebird

My husband and daughter went with me before my husband was diagnosed. 6 months later my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, my daughter and I went back to the CELA without my husband at that time. The first time I went I told the attorney we wanted to make sure everything was set up incase one of us needed nursing home care. At the time I knew my husband had major memory problems. The attorney did not charge us for the second visit. I took my daughter because I can fully trust her and I know at some point she will be the one stuck handling our financial affairs.