ZERO short term memory

mandajean

My mom is 80 with moderate to severe (per Neuro) ALZ. She has no short term memory at all it’s not even 1 minute it’s just gone. She eats obsessively because she says no one gave her anything to eat.
she actually ate 6 donuts and an entire package of large sized cookies and still wanted more. My sister was watching her and won’t say no! She throws her food away but then sneaks into freezer for ice cream or whatever she can find sweating she has had nothing to eat all day! She gets very angry and yells when I don’t let her have it. The screaming at me is really hard as I am her only caregiver. My sister visits 3-4 days every year but only stays a few hours. The hatefulness is really getting to me

JulietteBee

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's meanness. Sadly, it seems that those of us closest to them get the brunt of their verbal attacks.💔🫂🙏🏼

Your sister's visit is like "santa" coming to town. She give mom good gifts and then split for the rest of the year. That can breed animosity. Do not let it damage your relationship with your sister.

SDianeL

Your Mom is not deliberately being hateful. It’s the disease. Her reasoner is broken. It’s best not to correct her or argue with her. Fib, distract and redirect. Many people with dementia gravitate to sweets and forget when they have eaten. They eat from anxiety. They eat obsessively. You will need to buy healthier snacks and lock up snacks and portion them to her. A higher cabinet works best to hide snacks. They don’t usually look up. Child cabinet locks will work. Finger foods usually work best for people with dementia. A brightly colored deeper plate may help. The contrast helps. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. We understand how you feel when she seems hateful but keep repeating to yourself that it’s the disease talking, not your Mom. 💜

harshedbuzz

@mandajean

I am sorry you are feeling the hatred coming your way. Unfortunately, what is going on here at the intersection of no short-term memory, poor motor skills and a changing palate is not uncommon for caregivers. We had this with dad except that his favored treat was wine.

As people progress in dementia, sometimes the part of their brain that senses being sated is damaged. A common side effect of the atypical antipsychotics (Seroquel, Risperdal, etc) is an increase in appetite with a weight gain that can be dramatic. And they can't recall eating, so they're hungry. Additionally, most PWD do seem to favor sweets and easy-to-eat foods that don't require utensils. Sweets bring momentary pleasure, especially for someone who's love language is food and/or has no other means with which to be entertained.

It's no wonder she's pissed at you being the food police. Dad was really nasty when we tried to deny him his beloved Kendal Jackson Chardonnay— don't try to water it down or swap out something cheaper unless you want a full-on meltdown.

IMO, and I cannot speak to the ethics of this in the context of a condition like T1D where diet is critical to function, there are 2 approaches here. You could stop bringing problematic foods into the house to be found. This would allow you to take her out for an ice cream or a donut as an activity thereby entertaining her in the moment and limiting access and the expense of these calories.

Or you could approach this in the context of an 80-year-old woman in the severe stage of a terminal illness and let her eat all the junk she craves.

HB