I Had A Week Respite

CindyBum

Hey all. Most know I was able to take a week’s respite in early June. It’s been a bit over 5 years for me. I was burnt the heck out and had just decided to retire early this December. I needed it and for those able to somehow cobble something together, I am an even more staunch believer it getting whatever respite you can. Do it! It’s worth it.

I had joked with a friend that I’d spend my first night crying in a fetal position in Santa Fe alone before my childhood friend arrived. Nope. I was thrilled the minute I left the house, had a cocktail on the plane and let it all go for a whole week. We went to a spa for 5 hours. Got a fancy hotel pool pass for a day. Saw art. Ate chili and drank margaritas. I laughed my butt off with a friend I went to kindergarten with. I remembered me and was able to lean completely into relaxing. I came back changed.

My situation remains terrible. My DW is more confused than ever and barely makes sense anymore. I find myself still struggling, but can manage in a way I couldn’t before the respite. I’m longer to frustration. I’m easier on myself. I’m more committed to her and how to manage the impact on me. I know it won’t ever be easy and can live with that for now…until I need my next break. I may go to the opera and spend day in San Fran for it this October.

All an amazing shift for me and I wish the healing powers of respite for you too!

tonyac2

I took a break last week. I needed it in the worst way. I’m not gonna lie, it was hard not having my DH with me. My first time on a trip by myself. It was oddly painful, yet rejuvenating at the same time. I wanted to tell him about this and that, but he barely knew I was gone. I hate this disease. I hate every last thing it had stolen from us. I’m probably never going to learn how to regulate my emotions around this despicable disease.

SDianeL

so glad you got rest and relaxation. It’s so important for caregivers. Thanks for the update.

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248041#Comment_248041

I hear you. My first small respites were like that. I still had thoughts of, "we used to have this kind of fun together", but this trip was so different. I guess I have fully accepted that I know I need to hold onto me or I'll lose me completely. I'm still deeply sad, btw, and know we're moving toward Stage 6, but I've added taking care of me into the mix and it's helping. I hope you try respite again. xoxo

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73515/i-had-a-week-respite

I was all excited about a week or maybe even two of respite but had to give up the dream when I could not find any place that will take DH for less than a month and I don't have enough money to pay for a month and take a vacation.. The few days that I believed I would get a break were the happiest days I have experienced in the last two years.

White Crane

Cindy, I’m so glad you got to take a break.

CampCarol

I'm so happy you were able to swing this and "find" yourself again!

tucson anne

How did those of you who had a week respite arrange it? Was it Memory Care, Assisted Living, or a live in caregiver? As noted by tboard, MC facilities all say a month and don't really want to do it because of the paperwork involved. And what stages were your persons in when you did this (My DH is stage 6).

Jgirl57

congrats on your much needed vacation!!!

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248108#Comment_248108

I am so lucky. After years of the cavalry not coming, one of my DW's sisters has stepped up and comes up every couple of months to help me out for a few days. She agreed to the week when she saw me the last time she came up. I will be forever grateful to her and will be able to get some long weekends here and there now.

JDancer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248108#Comment_248108

My DH was on hospice for a short period (until they decided he was "too good" and discharged him) a few months ago. They provided 5 days of respite in their hospice house.

tonyac2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248108#Comment_248108

In my case, it was very expensive. I had the day covered as I have a daytime caregiver so I can still work. I had to hire an extra one for overnight. I was careful not to spend too much money as I knew it was already spoken for. I live in MN and I’m on the Alternative Care program where the county pays 70% of the expense of a caregiver. I pay 30%. Otherwise I’d have to quit my job to take care of my DH full time as I can’t afford to foot the entire bill for caregiving.

Karen711

Congratulations Cindy! I’m so happy that you got away, and I love what you were able to make of your time. Sounds like a true respite: body, soul, and spirit! Hallelujah!!! Thanks for sharing, and yay for San Francisco next time!!!