My DH has passed on

jehjeh

I lost my DH about 2 weeks ago but it still seems unreal. How long before I stop rushing through the grocery store because I can't be away more than a few minutes? When will I finally sleep through the night instead waking multiple times because he needs help?

I am grateful that we never reached the point of moving him to memory care. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks and I was prepared to bring him home with hospice in place. He died the day before discharge.

Everyone comments that I'm doing really well, but they never saw the nightly tears I shed over the past year. I was a mess but no one saw that because no one saw me. I was isolated. I have been grieving the loss of my love for years. I was blessed that he knew who I was at the end even though he didn't know me much of the time when he was still at home.

I'm now dealing with the guilt I feel over enjoying this beautiful home he built for us. He wouldn't want me to feel this way but I can't control that. I just trust that this, too, shall pass.

Thank you to everyone on this site who shares their journey. It was you who got me through this and I pray you are finding the support you need here, too.

I wish you all well.

jehjeh

Timmyd

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your loss. Please stay in touch if you feel up to it. I find it useful to read the experience of people who have traveled the path myself and DW are on.

jen ht

Accompanying you in spirit, jehjeh. I am sorry for your loss. 💜

blueheron

sorry for your loss. I wish you peace of mind in the days ahead.

charley0419

charley0419

keep the faith

suvi

Thank you for sharing, jehjeh. I’m sorry for your loss.

Jgirl57

Sorry for your loss and your heavy feelings. I imagine the stage 8 journey has its own difficulties and I wish you peace as you go forward in life. Many many (((Hugs))) to you.

upstateAnn

my condolences.

midge333

I am sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself.

Arrowhead

My wife is in stage 7 and for years I've been preparing myself for that inevitable day. She's in memory care so I'm past what you described, but I know there will still be changes I will go through when the time comes. May providence strengthen us both.

JulietteBee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73599/my-dh-has-passed-on

My deepest condolence is being sent. Please accept it. I pray God will cradle you in His mighty arms while you embark on your grief journey. There is absolutely no timeline or milestones for you to abide by. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, just don't get consumed by them. 🙏🏽

SDianeL

I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for your comfort and strength. Give yourself time. May your DH rest in peace. Please stay in touch. 🙏💜

harshedbuzz

@jehjeh

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.

Be gentle with yourself as you figure out what your stage 8 is meant to be.

HB

Carl46

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73599/my-dh-has-passed-on

Grief never goes away, but it gets easier. My wife died on May 27, and I already sleep well. My blood pressure is better. I am eating lunch and socializing at the senior center. I walk in the sunshine and feel God's love.

Shortly before her death, my wife told me she wanted me to be happy. Whether your husband said that to you or not, it is what he would have said if he could. I'm not happy, but I will be, and you will be too.

JeriLynn66

JehJeh,

Your house was built with love for you. I'm glad you have a beautiful, physical reminder of the love you shared with your Dear Husband. Your feelings are "normal" if that helps at all. And you are right - in time those guilt feelings will pass. You'll find your way. We're here for you.

White Crane

Dear Jehjeh, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dear Husband. Praying you find your way as you grieve and recover from your long journey with caregiving. Sending hugs.

mrahope

So sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.

annie51

Our hearts are with you as you grieve for your loss. It’s such a long journey but there is a better life waiting for you - I have to believe that after what you’ve been through. We will all face this at some time and I hope that the thoughts and prayers of your comrades here will give you strength.

Goodlife2025

May you quickly have the Peace only He can give. Condolences to you and your family.

Marla13

So sorry for your loss.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73599/my-dh-has-passed-on

Dear JehJeh, I am so sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is so normal, even though you feel like you are losing it. Grief takes time. Suggested things to do: get grief counseling, be around other people/don't isolate, just take care of yourself, whatever gives you peace - do it. Guilt is normal, even though it is not logical and you have no reason to feel guilty. Try to remember that you didn't cause this, you did the best you could, your DH would not want you to live in sadness. You, also, have been a victim of this terrible disease. You survived - celebrate this as 30% of caregivers do not. Find joy again - live like your DH would want you to live. You can do this. Most of all, pray for strength, wisdom and peace. God bless you.

tigersmom

jehjeh, I am so sorry for the loss of your DH. I lost my husband last October, and some of those feelings you are having are only beginning to abate. Try to be gentle with yourself. You are indeed fortunate that you never had to take him to memory care, and that he knew you at the end. Hugs to you as you find your way on this new path that none of us chose.

Dio

My condolences to you and your family! Grieving is part of the package in this wretched disease. Please be comforted in knowing that the suffering is over for both of you. I don't know if it helps to know that some of us may feel a tinge of envy, silently waiting for death to knock.